Sunday, May 13, 2012

To my baby on your 3rd birthday,

Help me to find the words to say to you today.  
I'm so sad.  
I know you wouldn't want me to be sad, baby, but I am.  
I can't help it.  I wish you were here.  
I wish I were decorating the entire house so that it looked like it "threw up" Elmo. 
I know that's what kind of birthday party you would have wanted- Elmo everywhere.  And maybe even a little Bert and Ernie mixed in there.  
  
This is the hardest post I've had to write.  
I think it's even harder than the post I had to write on January 14th. 
Because now the shock is wearing off, and reality is setting in.  
You would be THREE years old today, baby boy.  

I wish we were rocking in your favorite spot and I wish we were singing songs together. 
And then maybe if you felt okay, you would play "Happy Birthday" for me on the drums like you did last year on this day.  

I wish we were beating the odds again this year. 
I wish we could chalk up another year of beating EB.  
But this is reality, I guess. 
You don't even get to see your THIRD birthday. 

Bubba, I need your help in convincing me that EB didn't win. 
I want to say it, but saying it and feeling it are two different things.  Right now I feel like it won.  
Because it took you from me.  EB took away the most precious gift I've ever received... You.  
But I know you aren't having the same feelings as me.  
I know you are up there in Heaven, soaking up the Living Water and the light of Jesus.  
I know you aren't wishing that you were back here... suffering.  
I know deep in my heart that you are in the best place possible. 
But it's without me.  
Baby, you've never been ANYWHERE without me.  
That's why it's so hard.  I'm supposed to be with you.  We go everywhere together. 

I remember the day you were born... 


Oh, how beautiful you were. 


You were the most amazing baby from the second you came out of Mommy's belly. 
You were SO good.  So quiet, so patient, so perfect. 


The day you turned a year old was such an incredible milestone for us.  
Boy, had you been through a rough year... a feeding tube, over 10 teeth, a breathing tube, practically living in the hospital... and then starting to have sores in your eyes.  
You were so beautiful.  
You were SO good.  
Nothing ever bothered you.  You never cried. 
I can't tell you how proud I was the day you turned ONE. 





I don't think the doctors thought you would live to be TWO. 
By this time, you had surely been through the ropes.  
Infections, losing your eyesight, the sores that kept coming and wouldn't heal. 
The pain... 
You were such a trooper on that day.  You smiled, you played, you entertained everyone.  
Even though I know you were hurting. 
You make me so proud, baby. 
For you to turn TWO years old was a blessing.  We all knew that.
It showed the power of love, prayer, and perseverance.  





But we don't get to see THREE.  
You are spending your third birthday in the lap of Jesus. 
I'm not sure that any Elmo party can top that... 
But oh, how I wish we could try.  

The day before you left me was torture... the day that you left me was torture...


The days after you left me were torture... 



And today, living without you in my arms is torture... 


And now, THIS is what I have to do to honor your birthday- I did this before I left to come to New Mexico to see your Nanny.  It was pouring down raining and was supposed to rain all weekend, so I knew I didn't have a choice but to put something out there in the rain.  
Well, it didn't work, of course.  
The balloons didn't stay.  
(I can't wait until your monument is made so it can be pretty out there). 
I guess I'm just new at the "decorating the cemetery" stuff. 
No Mommy should have to do that. 
I sat in my car, soaking wet.
And I cried... and cried... and cried. 
It's so unfair. 


I sure hope God is throwing you the best Third, Elmo Birthday party EVER. 
You deserve to be able to finally get to stick your little fingers in your cake and pig out. 
I wonder if God has a camera to take pictures so I can see one day, too.  
Because Lord knows Mommy took lots and lots of pictures of everything.  
Could you ask him that for me, baby? 

I'm devastated. 
I miss you. 
It's not fair that I'm not with you. 
It's not fair that I have to stay behind and try to breathe without you. 
Sometimes, it literally is hard to breathe without you. 

I'm so proud of you. 
I don't think I could possibly be able to FEEL any more proud of you. 
You are the greatest gift and the most precious blessing that I've ever received. 
I wish we would have had more years together.  
I wish I could have seen you take your first steps forward without holding on. 
Or maybe even learn how to play your first set of "big boy" drums.  
I wish we could have eaten an ice cream cone together.  Or taken a boat ride.  
Or gone to the beach together.  
I wish I could have watched your first t-ball game.  
I wish we could have gone to get a snowball on the hottest day of the year. 
I wish I could have taken your picture for your first day of kindergarden. 

I was walking through target the other day.  
That's where I bought almost every single one of your toys (we pretty much bought out the store).
And I passed by the toy section.  My eyes welled with tears as I saw SO many new toys that were on the shelves that if you were still here, I know I would have bought them all.  
I saw a really cute toy that I knew you would have loved.  
I hope Jesus has it for you in Heaven. 

Today also makes 4 months since you've left my arms. 
But it seems like an eternity ago.
 I want you back in my arms. 

Happy, Happy THIRD Birthday, in heaven, my sweet boy. 
I know it's not a happy day for me... but I sure hope it is for you. 
I hope you know that Mommy would be there with you if I could.... 
lighting your candles and letting you open SO many presents. 

My heart is aching.  
I miss your face, the touch of your fingers, your smile, your fusses, and your smell. 
I miss rocking with you all day long, listening to our favorite songs.  
I would give my life up in a second to be with you again.
No question about it.  
You were, are, and always will be the most important person in my life. 

  I love you Bubba.  
I miss you with all of the heart I have left :(
Love,
 Mommy

*Anyone who would like to honor Tripp for his birthday can make a donation in his name to the Butterfly Fund.  Just click the link and there are several options for donating. 
I know Mrs. Laurie, Mr. Michael, Allie, and the board of directors for the Butterfly Fund will be thrilled for the help to make some of the family's lives just a little easier. 
I know that is what Tripp would want for his birthday. 
Thank you all SO much!


Photobucket

155 comments:

  1. Happy Birthday little man I know you are having a blast in heaven!

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  2. Courtney & Tripp
    I have been thinking about you today & I think of you both often. You don't know me but you have touched my life. My husband & are not able to have kids of our own...maybe someday. But b/c of you & the love you have for Tripp has shown me the kind of mom I want to be when I am blessed with a child of my own. Right now I will be the best Aunt I can be to my new Nephew & the best big sister I can be to my 2 little sisters. Thank you for sharing your story with all of us & God Bless You. I know Tripp is looking down from Heaven above smiling from ear to ear. I know he will be waiting for you at the Gates of Heaven holding Jesus' hand. Happy belated Mother's Day to one of the most devoted mother's I know & Happy 3rd Birthday to the sweetest little drummer boy!

    Kimberly Reck

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  3. Dear Tripp!
    I wish you a very hapy third birthday, too. Maybe the angels were singing you a birthday song...just as your mom, your angel on earth, would have liked to do.

    Dear Courtney!
    I wish for you not having to be devastated and so sad. {{{{hugs}}}}
    ...sorry...somehow I'm lacking the words to express what I have in my heart and my head.

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  4. You are always in our thoughts. God bless you Courtney.

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  5. Many prayers being sent your way on this difficult day! I am sure Tripp is with God having the best birthday ever! Happy birthday Tripp :)

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  6. Dear Courtney, my heart breaks for you and I am praying for you. In a few hours, I will hug my girls tighter because of you. I hope you have strength and peace that only God can bring. You and your sweet, beautiful angel boy are such a blessing.

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  7. Happy Birthday Tripp. And Happy Mothers Day Courtney. I know it was such a hard day but you are and will always be Tripp's mommy and you deserve to be honored. There has never been a more selfless mom than you. I will honor Tripp with a donation but wish there was some way to honor you. I will continue to pray for you daily.

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  8. oh Courtney, I already send you an email, before seing this post, because you have been in my thoughts and prayers all day today And Yesterday. Praying that God will carry you through this day and that Tripp will shine upon you today filling your heart with warmth.
    christiana (Cyprus)

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  9. Oh, sweet Courtney, I'm so very sorry. Know I still pray for God to heal your broken heart. Happy birthday, Tripp.

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  10. Oh, Courtney. I wish I had words to make you feel better. Tripp really was the luckiest boy in the world to have you for his mom. You are the most amazing person- please know that Tripp is ALWAYS with you in spirit. I'm sure there are times you see a sign or can feel his spirit. That kind of love and bond knows no boundaries. Lots of love and prayers to you, sweet girl.

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  11. Happy Birthday Tripp. Please take special care of your mummy today and every day. We all miss you but she misses you so much. Courtney - I hope you can feel the love from Tripp and everyone who knows you either in person or like myself - who have never met you but have grown to care for you and your family and other people suffering from EB.
    Big hugs
    Nathalie, UK

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  12. To the bravest little boy I have ever known - Happy 3rd Birthday Tripp - i hope you are banging your drum loudly, pain free, in celebration up there xx To Courtney, the most amazing mummy I have ever known of, my heart aches for you, I'm so sorry for all that you are going through. The pictures are heart breakingly beautifulxx

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  13. HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABY BOY!!! COURTNEY WE LOVE U!!!!

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  14. Courtney, I pray for peace for you!!! I can not imagine how hard it is for you to try to go on without Tripp! God has a plan for you my dear! Much love and prayers headed your way!

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  15. Happy birthday to the most beautiful angel in heaven!

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  16. Happy Birthday Tripp! My heart is heavy for you and your family today Courtney.

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  17. Courtney, I have Tripp's birthday written on my calendar (although I don't need a reminder). I cannot imagine your pain and as you said - this is something no parent should have to go through. I am keeping you in my prayers. Gloria

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  18. Dear Courtney- my heart is breaking for you as I read your words and palpably felt your pain through the air waves. I thought of you yesterday as it was Mother's Day and yet we have never met but you have touched so many lives with Tripp's and your's. I just want you to keep picturing him the day he was born, that photo is exceptional. A lone tear can even be seen as you beheld your angel for the first time. What a joyful time it is in a mother's life those first precious moments when she actually becomes a mom! Tripp wants you to remember that joy and all the joyful moments and carry those with you. He wants you to LIVE UNABASHEDLY and run, jump and dance and do all those things he is doing with the Heavenly Father! He is not sad except when he sees you sad! He loved his littled decorations that you put out for him but he wasn't here so you could sit sobbing in a car. He wants YOU to be HIS BUTTERFLY! He wants you to shed any cocoon of sadness and spread your wings and fly FOR HIM! This may be hard to hear but you KNOW it to be true. Tripp want's nothing but love for his momma- that is his wish for his Birthday!

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  19. Happy Birthday in Heaven Tripp!

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  20. Praying for you and a big Happy Birthday to Tripp, who no doubt is rocking the drums in Heaven with Mary and Jesus!!!!

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  21. I can't begin to imagine. I pray that God can give you peace through it all.

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  22. I believe Tripp is TOTALLY aware of his Mommy every second~ he loves and adores you. I am praying for you Courtney~ You are so right, no mommy should have to go through this, but just like Tripp is sitting on Jesus' lap~ God will CARRY you too. Much love from Ohio
    Diana

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  23. Happy Birthday, sweet Tripp. Share some of your joy in heaven with your mommy today.

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  24. My prayers are still and always will be with you, Courtney. You are so incredibly strong. When I picture Tripp in heaven, it makes me smile knowing he is running, laughing and pain free. One day you will be reunited, and he will run and jump into your arms.

    EB did not win... look at the awareness you have spread, the lives you've touched. Your faith alone and Tripp's unwavering strength and courage during his life have changed so many for the better.

    Lots of love and prayers.

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  25. God bless you Courtney. I cannot begin to imagine what today is like for you, I am so sorry. Please know that all Tripp's FB family has Tripp and Elmo as their profile picture in honor of Tripp's 3rd Birthday. I pray for you, your mom and family every night. Tripp changed my life for the better and I thank both of you for that. Hugs from Kenner.

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  26. My heart breaks for you, Courtney, and for your beautiful boy. I will do all I can to honor him today and in the future. What an angel. Wishing you comfort, M & M Pearce

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  27. Dear Tripp,
    I´ve been thinking about you today and I want to wish you a very Happy 3rd birthday little drummer boy! Have fun in your birthday party with all the other buttelfly angels.

    Courtney I want to send you a very big hug on this difficult day, I also wish from the bottom of my heart you and Tripp were celebrating it together.
    Lots of love from Spain

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  28. I don't have any words that can help to comfort you, Courtney. But I hope that one day all the love, encouragement, prayers and well wishes that I and we all have for you will help to heal your broken heart. I hope one day you feel your heart so full of love and precious memories will help to heal the pain you have today. Continued prayers and love for you today and always.

    Love, Leslie Schaefer
    Tucson, AZ

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  29. You are in my thoughts today Courtney. Happy Birthday Sweet Tripp, please send your mama some extra kisses today.
    ~tracey

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  30. Happy Birthday, Tripp! We all miss you so much!

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  31. I have no words... I just have tears and a sad sad heart... To you Courtney I send strength and energy to cope with your days appart from you beautiful baby boy. To you Tripp I send your mummys love with ballons up in the sky to you. It is your third birthday and we all wish we could celibrate it with you! We miss you, all of our love and gods blessings, the Seger family in Sweden. <3

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  32. HAPPY 3RD BIRTHDAY TRIPP, WE LOVE YOU BUDDY!!!

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  33. When Elmo sings the song "One Small Voice" it brings me to tears everytime because I think of your sweet Tripp. He was just one small voice but he taught so many of us a beautiful song that we will never forget. Happy Birthday Tripp.

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  34. *HUG*

    Happy Birthday Tripp, and send blessings to your momma today.

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  35. My heart is in my throat and I am struggling to hold back the tears....even though I never got to meet Tripp...I miss him too! Prayers coming to you Courtney...I hope it gets a little easier to breath, I just know that is what little Tripp would want for you...to be happy, knowing he is happy!

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  36. What a beautiful way of putting a sad, sad, tradgedy. There is no pain in the world worse than losing a child (so I'm told). I'm praying for you and hoping that I can be half the mom you have been (to the baby growing in my belly..) God Bless and I will be thinking of you.

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  37. while reading this, of course i cried. I can not imagine what you are going through as a mom! My thoughts and prayers are with you and will be on this day for the rest of my life. your story has touched me in way that i can not even try to explain!! happy Birthday, Tripp. You have an amazing mother!!

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  38. Praying for peace for you courtney. My heart aches to think of your loss, but you are right. You know he's probably got an elmo parade up in Heaven. Maybe Jesus even gave him a drum set!

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  39. Courtney my heart breaks for you. Every post I read from you effects me so deeply. I pray that this time on earth will move swiftly and you will soon be with your baby forever in Gods loving arms. I know it is not a happy day for you today but still you are a mother and I want to tell you Happy Mothers Day because you are truly one of the most amazing and inspiring mothers I have ever seen. Happy third Birthday to beautiful little Tripp. I'm sure he is celebrating in heaven with the angels all around him.

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  40. Happy 3rd Birthday to sweet sweet Tripp who is having a blast in heaven celebrating and Happy Mommy Anniversary to you Courtney, one of the best mommies God created... you make me want to be a better mom, to hug my kids tighter and enjoy every moment, YOU are a blessing. ((HUGS)))

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  41. Courtney, my heart is with you and Tripp and has been for a very long time. Your strength and courage help me thru each day WAY more than you may know. Thank you for sharing your love for Tripp with us. I love yall. ~Happy Birthday lil guy.~

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  42. Happy birthday little angel.

    I'm thinking to you today, Courtney...
    I'm sure that your son is proud of you as much as you are proud of him.
    ((Hughs))

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  43. Happy Birthday Tripp! My baby girl celebrates her 3rd birthday today as well. We will always remember you on this date! You remind me of how lucky I am to be able to give her a hug today. You have the best mommy in the world who loves you so much! She will continue to do great things because of you! We will sing Happy Birthday to you when we sing to our Ashlyn. I am so proud to say that she shares her birthday with you. Your legacy will live on forever. Happy Birthday up in Heaven, Little Drummer Boy! All my love,

    Maggie Tracy
    dmatracy@yahoo.com

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  44. Happy Birthday Tripp. I am sure God is taking good care of you in Heaven. Courtney, I am praying for you.

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  45. Dear Courtney,

    You are truly admired for your courage and your love. God gave you a precious gift and you made it possible for all of us to share it with you through Tripp and the journey you have taken with him. My life has since changed when I first came across your blog. I saw it on Pinterest and was afraid to click, knowing that I may be deeply hurt to find out what happened. But I couldn't deny the love I saw between you two, you holding him close, and him holding your face to let you know he knew you loved him wholeheartedly...and that he will be okay. God bless you Courtney. Continue to be strong for Tripp because I know that's all he can ask from you.


    Dearest Sweet Tripp,
    Heaven's Little Drummer Boy! It's your birthday today little man! I can only wish to do as much as you have done in as little time you had here in 33 years of my entire life. Thank you so much for opening up my heart to love more truly, and opening up my mind to break free from the negative conditioning that I've allowed this world to bestow upon me. You are a miracle...alot like my first-born who survived the trials of necrotizing enterocolitis as a preemie. He is a living testament of God's will. The only thing I can comprehend from your pain and suffering was that you are very much like Jesus. Your sacrifice has brought me closer to life's true purpose...to love one another and cherish every blessing we have even when it's disguised in hardship. Thank you for blessing me with getting to know you and Jesus more through your life. God bless you Tripp and Happy Birthday!

    With love,
    Bernice and Family...

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  46. Courtney, Can't imagine what you are going thru. Mother's day and Tripp's Birthday. Maybe there is some meaning there.Tripp had the greatest Mother and you the greatest son. You are gifts to each other. May GOd give you some peace in knowing that you did all you could do and I am certain Tripp had the best life he could because he was given to you. All the rocking and hugs and kisses brought him joy in place of the other things he never got to enjoy. He certainly got more then his share of the love that is all that really matters in this world, because he was given to you and your family. A Mother's love is eternal as is a son's love for his Mother. I hope you have a good visit with your sister and that some peace will come your way soon!

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  47. Dear Courtney,
    You are admired for your courage and your love. God blessed you with a special gift and you made it possible to share it with all of us. What you have done, what you are doing, is bigger than this entire world. Continue to be strong Courtney because God's love is being shown through you and Tripp.
    With love,
    Bernice

    Dear Sweet Tripp, Heaven's Little Drummer boy!

    Today is your birthday, and nothing, not even EB can ever take that away from you. You are truly heaven sent and I am thankful to have learned about you, your mom, and EB. Since then, my life has never been the same. I think about you and you have given me a more clear perspective on life, brought me closer to God, and I hold my children that much more...all because of a wonderful miracle named Tripp! We love you and you have a piece of my heart<3
    Happy Birthday Tripp :)

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  48. Happy Birthday to your amazing son. I pray for you to find peace one day Courtney you are an amazing person and an even more amazing mother. Tripp will always continue to drum on through you. He is probably celebrating up in Heaven making beautiful music and every one around him smile. Also Happy Mother's day to you hon.

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  49. It completely breaks my heart every time I read your blog and I cry every time. I can't even imagine the pain you're going through. My daughter is 5 months old and I can't imagine what life would be like without her. I really wish that your heart will find happiness again. In honor of Tripp, on his 3rd Birthday, I have made a donation to the Butterfly Fund.

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  50. I thought about you so much the last few days, knowing that your first Mother's Day without Tripp here and his birthday were coming up back-to-back. I wish I could say or do something to ease your pain, but the one thing that could make your heart feel whole again is the one thing that's simply out of my reach. All I can do is keep you continually in my prayers and hope that in some tiny way you can feel them.

    I want to promise you this, though -- all of us who have grown to love you and Tripp will make sure that Tripp's passing represents not a victory for EB, but its death knell. His fight and your remarkable achievement in documenting and personifying that fight have raised so much awareness and inspired so many gifts and donations, and that's only going to continue. When EB took Tripp, it sealed its own fate--because now there is a whole army of us all over the world who won't rest until we see the suffering from this horrible disease mitigated. I only wish it had come in time to save him too.

    Your tributes to Tripp, as always, are so fitting and so steeped in perfect love. I believe he's received every single gift and delighted in every single decoration, even if you can't witness his joy the way you absolutely deserve to.

    Happy Birthday, beautiful boy. You are loved, now and forever.

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  51. Thinking of Tripp on his birthday, and praying for you, Courtney. I cannot imagine how much your heart must hurt, and will pray for continued peace and encouragement for you. Thank you for continuing to share your heart with us!

    Love from TX,
    Laura

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  52. Happy Birthday Tripp! I never met you, but I can't stop thinking about you on this day. Enjoy your birthday up there in Heaven sweet boy!

    And Courtney, I can only imagine how hard this day is for you. You are so strong. Just remember that your strength, along with Tripp's strength, is an inspiration to all, whether they had a chance to meet you two or not. I can only wish that I would have had the chance to meet that beautiful, beautiful boy.

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  53. Happy Birthday in Heaven sweet Tripp! I have been thinking about your sweet face all day, as well as your wonderful mommy. May God comfort you Courtney and carry you through your most difficult times. We love you, and pray for you everyday. <3

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  54. Happy Birthday 3rd Birthday Tripp.

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  55. I'm so sorry, Courtney. I can't even imagine how difficult today must be for you. My thoughts and prayers are with you today and always. Much love, Jenn

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  56. Happy 3rd Birthday Tripp. Love the Jacob Family. Always praying for u and ur loved ones.

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  57. Happy Birthday beautiful Tripp...I'm praying for your mama...((HUGS))

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  58. Happy Birthday to a precious angel that lived on earth for a very short amount of time, but blessed his mommy with the best gift she could have ever been given. Oh how he's celebrating today witout a bit of pain and playing his drums loud and proud. Courtney bless you and everything you've been through. I'm also a mother of a 3 year old son and I think anout you literally everyday. I pray for you to find comfort and peace in knowing your little man is in the strongest arms he could ever be in and is so proud of YOU! His drum is that beat you hear in your heart everyday! I can't imagine your pain and I don't know you personally, but My hurt literally hurts for you. I pray today that you find some comfort and a moment of peace in Tripp's memory. I also pray that God gives you healing for your broken heart. Thank you for being such an inspiration to so many and make me love harder and stronger.( (hugs)) and much love sent your way. Happy Birthday to such a precious gift!!

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  59. This is one of the hardest post of yours I've read yet, although they've all brought me to tears. I'm thinking of your amazing son today on his 3rd Birthday, and hoping and praying that peace finds you soon, a little more each day.

    Wishing a belated Happy Mother's day to you, Courtney. Whether you know it or not, you're up there in the "Virgin Mary/Mother Teresa category" of Mothers. You've set the bar very high in terms of how to be an amazing mother, and continue to examplify "A Mother's Love". You're a role model for mothers, and we should all aspire to be more like you.

    "A kiss to you on Mother's day,
    a hug from me to you.
    I know that you are sad sometimes,
    I know that you are blue.
    Please wipe away that tear,
    and put on a happy face.
    For I'm with God in Heaven now,
    and oh, Mommy, what a wonderful place!
    God gave me wings so I could fly,
    they are white with a hint of blue.
    I'm a big boy Mommy, with these wings of mine
    they carry me down to visit you.
    God is teaching me how to catch your prayers,
    prayers that come as wishes.
    Your wish is the same everyday,
    a wish that I could have stayed.
    I have a prayer for you now Mommy,
    I pray that you will hear.
    God needed me here with him,
    I have no pain or fear.
    For I am an Angel now you see,
    I watch over you each night and day.
    A little piece of Heaven on earth,
    guiding you on your way.
    I come to tuck you in each night,
    as you wanted to do with me.
    I hear your prayers and kiss your cheek,
    and then I watch you dream.
    Before I leave you and go back home,
    I look at you and sigh.
    And as I fly back to Heaven
    I sing you a lull-a-bye.
    A kiss to you on Mother's Day,
    a hug from me to you.
    I love you Mommy, please don't cry,
    you'll get to hold me again soon."

    This mother, who also experienced the worst kind of loss ever, says it perfectly in this piece:
    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/claire-mccarthy-md/a-child-who-died_b_1511543.html

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  60. I've only been following Tripp's story for about 6 months...but I wanted to stop and give some special birthday wishes to your perfect little boy and to let you know that my heart breaks for you. Today, May 14, would also have been my daughter Charlotte's 2nd birthday. Charlotte was born in 2010 with a severe congenital heart defect...basically the right side of her heart never developed. With the help of some incredible surgeons, we had 1 year and 2 weeks to soak in the beauty that was our little girl before she went to be with Jesus. It was sudden and very unexpected. Even though we knew her little heart was very sick, there was absolutely no indication that anything was wrong. We got to celebrate 1 birthday with Charlotte, and now, like you, are celebrating without her for the very first time. I wish I had perfect words for you to make it all better, but I know that none exist. Its miserable. Absolutely miserable. A fellow heart mom told me once to "be gently with myself"...today that is what I'm clinging to.

    Wishing your Tripp a very HAPPY BIRTHDAY! I know that they are throwing one heck of a birthday party in Heaven for our little angels! {{HUGS}}

    Kristen Ritchie
    http://littlemissritchie.blogspot.com

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  61. Happy Birthday sweet angel! I know you are having a blast up there, and that god arranged the biggest Elmo party ever just for you! Shine extra hard on your mommy today <3

    HUGS Malin

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  62. I can't wait to meet Tripp when I go to Heaven...what an amazing little man. Sending (hugs) to you Courtney! Praying for God's peace to comfort your broken heart.

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  63. http://youtu.be/glrQXIl_YNs

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=glrQXIl_YNs

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  64. Happy Birthday Tripp! Courtney - There are no words that seem sufficient to tell you how very sorry I am for your pain. Know that you are not alone and you have Tripps incredible strength (he got his strength from you!)and you will get through this. You wont be seeing him for a while but he can see you right now and he is ALWAYS with you. Hold on to your memories of him until you see him again. We are always with you and my prayers for you never stop!

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  65. I've been following your blog for over a year now. I was walking into a restaurant yesterday and for some reason thought of you, as I tried to keep my daughter from going head first into the foyer lobster tank. We sat down and said a prayer for you right there. I thought about how Mother's Day would be hard for you, not knowing that it was also Tripp's birthday. I guess the Lord knew, and it was Him or maybe Tripp, reminding me to say a prayer on a tough day. Sending hugs from South Georgia.

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  66. happy Birthday Dear Precious Brave Tripp! you changed my life.
    Much love for both. xx

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  67. I've been following your blog for over a year now. I thought of you yesterday while I was waiting to be seated at a restaurant. I prayed for you, knowing it was Mother's Day, but not realizing it was Tripp's birthday. I guess the Lord, or Tripp, was nudging to send a prayer up for you. Sending hugs from South Georgia.

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  68. Happy birthday to an amazing boy you surpassed the odds! he is the most amazing story i have ever seen and heard. What a wonderful mom he had to keep him going and alive so long! Never losing hope! You are in my prayers and i know tripp is looking down and praying for you also. I hope you find comfort today in the arms of your family. As you already know we your readers are here for you 2 *HUGS* from a friend far away.

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  69. I think Tripp's party is about to start. It's ready to start rumbling pretty hard here! Play those drums with all your might little man so your Mommy can hear you!

    Wishing you comfort today Courtney. Can't imagine how hard the past couple days have been for you. There's not a day that passes that I don't think about you and Tripp.

    May God bless you Courtney and know that He will bring you through this tough time. Let down the tough chick exterior and let yourself melt today. We are all melting with you!

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  70. Happy Birthday, Tripp!!! Send your beautiful momma all the strength you've got!

    warm teary hugs, dear Courtney!

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  71. Happy Birthday to your son.

    I am so sorry that you are hurting today Courtney. I can't tell you it will get easier, but I can tell you the intense pain you are feeling today will lessen in time.
    The bucket of tears you cry will be able to go longer without dumping.

    Sending you all the healing energy I can.

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  72. The soul never dies. Tripps soul lives. He lives and will always live in your heart. He is with you. Try to sit in peace and I bet you can feel him there. I know you can feel his happy little spirit there. He is still here with you every step of the way. Only his body is gone. Without a body he cannot communicate with you like he did before. Rejoice because he lives and he is more free than ever before. He wants you to be happy and live and love even more than you have already. Take time to miss him but know he never really left you. with love, Jessica

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  73. Happy 3rd Birthday, Tripp!! We love you. And, Miss Courtney, you wrote such a moving tribute to Tripp on his 3rd birthday. I am in a puddle of tears this afternoon. You are one special mommy. We love you and our prayers will never cease for Tripp and for a cure for EB. Sending you all of our love, The McChesney Family, Laguna Beach, California

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  74. Happy 3rd birthday to a rock star up in Heaven! Beautiful words, Courtney, for your beautiful boy. <3 <3 <3

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  75. Happy Birthday Sweet Little Tripp! Courtney, you are always in my thoughts! I can't even imagine, how hard this must be for you not having the opportunity to celebrate with him his 3rd birthday... Many hugs from Finland!

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  76. Courtney......I wish I could find the right words to say to you to convey comfort or bring you peace, but it seems when words fail that is when God comes in to comfort even in the midst of this pain that you are feeling.....I pray for you often...and your little angel...who I am sure is making music for the Most High.

    In my prayers......

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  77. Happy Birthday Sweet boy. I know your mama misses you so much it makes her heart ache, but I hope you can still have a happy day in Heaven since it's your 3rd birthday. One day, you and your sweet beautiful mama will be together again, celebrating like old times and it will be soo so sweet. You just keep that party going until she gets there. While you wait for your mama, will you please go find my little boy and play with him. His name is Tyler and he loved Elmo too. I bet you would be great buddies. Won't you play him a nice song, little drummer boy and tell him his mama misses him so much too. xoxo

    P.S. I see you were a very long "tall" baby when you were born! You almost didn't look newborn!

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  78. Courtney,
    I am so sorry for all the emotions and feelings you have to endure. I have a son who has a rare brain disease called "Muscle-Eye-Brain" There are only 15 cases in North America. He wasn't supposed to make it past a year, but is 8 now.we are aware that ir is unusual and every moment counts. He thinks at a 2-3 yr level, cant walk, Cant talk and has an ingrained need to hurt himself(even in his sleep everynight) and make his earsand face bleed like crazy. I have had to use Neosporin on him everynight for 8 years and even been asked on occasions if he had been in an accident or something!So I simply cant imagine how your sweet Tripp felt at times and am so sorry for what he endured.
    Our sweet Carson however has a great sense of humor and LOVES Elmo and Cookie Monster.They take his "pain" of his mental and physical body away from him. They are a God-Send to us.
    He has an 11 year old sister that occasionally cries in the night worrying that "he may not be there" when she gets home from school.
    Our lives are dedicated to him and he has made our family stretch and grow to a world that no one could understand. We have been pushed to our limits yet given so much by this precious soul.He has made us cry harder and laugh harder than we could have ever imagined. We consider ourselves blessed to have been chosen as his family.
    It has opened our eyes to what this life is all about and we realize how much others take for granted and dont understand why we are here really. We have been given a chance to serve and to love like we never thought possible. Carson has done the same for us.
    I rarely read or comment on blogs. But I felt strongly that I needed to thank you. I have a fear of the unknown and the day that Carson will leave us. It's an awful fear that I pretend isn't there. Reading your blog and looking at your Beautiful and Sweet Tripp makes me strive to soak in every moment. I have had maybe 4 full nights of sleep in 8 yrs and I get tired and worn out. I hate the Sores and anguish he feels and it makes me sob. But you have made me cherish even more the time I have with my son. I thank you for that from the bottom of my heart.
    You are an example to me and I hope you know how much you have helped me.
    I dont even have the words to make things better for you at this time in your life. You seem to have a wonderful testimony of Jesus and I think that is the best and only route to help you survive your sorrow until you see Tripp again.
    Sincerely,
    Rachel
    Kaysville, Utah

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  79. Happy 3rd birthday to your sweet sweet little man! I continue to pray for you daily and many times through out the day, whenever you pop into my mind. I will be praying that the Holy Spirit gives you strength and peace for you today.
    ~Claudia

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  80. It was fitting, though I didn't realize it until later that night when I prayed for you, that as I took a walk through the trails in the prairie (the 1st with my almost 10 mo old daughter on Mother's Day), a million butterflies were flitting through the sky! Big ones and small ones. Every color of the rainbow! I thought of the Monarchs I saw and how their incredible journey that seems nearly impossible takes them over vast expanses of water and harsh weather. Some make it and some do not. But oh how beautiful they were when they lived on this earth! These are tiny fragile lives that somehow seem stronger than is even remotely possible--just like Tripp. He was here shortly, but made a huge impact on people he never even met. And was LOVED in the pure and true sense of the word by those who knew him best. Courtney, you are an amazing mother and I pray for you a lot. I pray that God will make your heart ache just a little less each day. I even pray that some day you will have another child because God knows that YOU are truly amazing and your heart is so full of selfless love. That will be a ways in the future...but I can only hope that you feel that love again for a child as you continue to love Tripp. He loves you so much and I am sure he is asking God to help his mommy feel less pain. Know you are loved and prayed for. Know that God's crazy plan never makes sense to us while it's happening. Love and many many hugs to you. Your sweet little man is drumming and running around in heaven--and as it is speculated, it's but a moment to them, until we meet up again.

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  81. Again, your writing blows me away. I know without a doubt, that you would have given anything and everything to keep Tripp with you. Tripp means more to you than any other object, feeling, person, or holiday. We love you so very much, and I am so inspired by your mommy love for your precious son. I'm sure he his dancing in heaven today, celebrating every second of the 2 years and 8 months he lived on Earth, with you. Someday you will hold him again. I pray that to Tripp, it feels like only a moment has gone by. Happy Birthday Tripp, you are so very loved. Thank you for gracing our world!

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  82. Happy 3rd Birthday Tripp.! What an impact you have made on so many!!. Including myself!!. Courtney, my heart breaks for you, I can't imagine how this must feel, I'll continue praying that God will give you peace throughout such a difficult time.

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  83. i am so sorry, Courtney. i'm praying for you.

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  84. Happy Birthday Tripp. Love and prayers for you Courtney.

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  85. I am so sorry, Courtney. There just aren't words that describe such grief. :( Praying that you survive this day and praying that Tripp is playing drums and dancing up a storm in Heaven this May 14th.

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  86. I thought after I lost my son that when I was finally able to take a baby home from the hospital, that nobody would EVER
    understand how much I love him. So when I brought my second son home...I fully believed that to be true. Until I stumbled upon your blog. You love Tripp like I love my little guy (who turned 1 on Friday). It's a live so big that it almost seems unreal. I love my sweet boy in Heaven like that too, but like you, I have to wait to see him again. And as much as I love being a mama to my precious boy here on earth, there is a part of me that can't wait to be with my boy in Heaven. Too bad we can't all be in the same place at the same time. You and Tripp and me and my 3 boys...on earth, not in Heaven until we are old and gray.

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  87. love to you today. this is so very, very hard.

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  88. SO Beautiful Courtney. I know Tripp is blowing you kisses from heaven...

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  89. To the bravest boy I never knew, I promise, when I'm called, the first person I find will be you, so we can play the drums until our wings turn blue, Happy Birthday Tripp.

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  90. Happy Birthday Tripp, and big hugs to you Courtney. I cannot even imagine the pain you feel, but just know you are an incredibly strong woman. I also celebrated my birthday today...30. Since I started reading this blog almost a year ago, I have come to the realization that most of us who are fairly healthy and live normal lives have so much to be grateful for, and that there is no reason for us to feel sorry for ourselves when things don't go exactly as planned. We should feel lucky to be alive and well when there are so many that don't have the same fortune as us. Tripp was a testament to strength (as are you!), and I thought about him today on what would have been his 3rd birthday. Thank you for sharing your journey with us, and hopefully one day EB will be a thing of the past.

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  91. Happy Happy Birthday Sweet Tripp! I hope that you are up there playing your drums as loud as you can!
    Courtney,
    My heart breaks and breaks for you. I hope that you found the strength to make it through this unimaginably tough day. I hope you know that Tripp is up there pointing down showing everyone his beautiful mommy! Hugs!
    Chrissy

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  92. Happy 3rd Birthday, Tripp! I know you've been playing your drums loudly today for the angels. Our thoughts and prayers are with you, your mommy, and your family.

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  93. Happy Birthday Little Man! You touched so many lives - pretty amazing!!

    Many (((hugs))) for you momma today too. She's a pretty incredible lady herself.

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  94. Courtney, in my own blog i just mentioned about getting updates from heaven! If we could get some pictures, and news of milestones we have missed. I pray that He has some way to show us how our children's lives are going until we can get there to see them with our own eyes. I just want to know what my babies are doing all the time.. are they playing, or napping, do they like each other as brother and sister? do they play together? Does Nora like to dance like her mom and I wonder if Jordan would have been a mommies boy. I never think about how they would be here because they were never supposed to be here even close to the same time. But, it gives me peace that they have each other and my dad in heaven. To me its like having a family from out of town, only "out of town" is heaven , and the family is my children! I know someday I will see them again and they will tell me everything! Now I'm crying and have lost my train of thought! I just pray that my babies never forget me and would be okay with mommy and daddy plan to add another baby to the family! I will never love them less. Oh Courtney, moms shouldn't have to go through this stuff! I know our situations are very different but something about two young moms going through the loss of the child creates a bond that not many others can understand. And just though reading your blog I feel like you are my friend! Like I can tell you how I am feeling and that somedays I feel guilty for not be as sad as I should! I really wish I could meet you just to give you a hug!!
    Happy Birthday Tripp!! I hope they are throwing you a great big party in heaven! and maybe if you get a minute between all the fun stuff you are doing you could stop by your mommies dreams!

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  95. Happy 3rd Birthday dear little Tripp. Courtney, I am so sorry that you and Tripp can't spend his birthday together. I can't imagine how awful and how painful it is for you to be here without him. I think of you and Tripp a lot. I have made a donation but wish I could do more. Sending love xxxx

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  96. Happy Birthday Angel Tripp.
    Missing you so much!

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  97. Happy Birthday Tripp! Precious baby boy in Heaven! Praying for
    your mommy. She misses you so much. Donation made in honor of
    Tripp.

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  98. Happy Birthday, Tripp! You must be rockin' it up in Heaven with your drums, showing everyone what a stud you are! Courtney, you are one lucky mommy to be blessed with such a miracle. I can't imagine how much heartache you feel but just remember that you were chosen by Tripp to be his mommy, because he knew you could do it. You can do this! Although your heartache will never go away you will find a way to get through life and learn to love again. You are an amazing woman! Take time to hurt and be angry, Don't pretend things are ok. When someone asks you how you are doing, don't say "I'm good." Tell them "I'm learning to get on with my life without my baby that that sucks!" Someday you can say "I'm good" but for now be honest!! I think about you and Tripp often. I love watching his movies and miss seeing new pictures of him but I am so happy that he isn't suffering anymore and that he is in Heaven, pain free! Praying for you, Courtney. :)

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  99. Happy birthday Tripp. I bet Jesus is making it great for you.
    With love from a mum to a boy with Cystic Fibrosis, who may one day go through what your mommy is enduring right now - the loss of her child.

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  100. Hi Courtney,

    I knew yesterday was Tripp's birthday and I thought about your family all day. Then, today, one of my first thoughts of the day was holding a run/walk or something along those lines for an EB fundraiser in Tripp's honor. I live in Madison, WI but I know personally I would make the trip anywhere in the United States to participate (probably holding it in Louisiana I would assume). I have participated in many of these walks and my biggest one was through the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society, each person had to raise $4,300 to participate in an event in Alaska. I have no idea if this is something that would interest you, but for whatever reason, it was the first thought of the day and I thought it necessary to share. Many of your readers/family/friends/neighbors/supporters would be honored to do such a thing for Tripp and to eradicate EB!!!

    As always, thank you for such an honest post. Tripp is just as proud of you as you are of him.

    God Bless,
    Joanna, Joseph, and Jude (Madison, WI)

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  101. Courtney, You have no idea how much of an inspiration you are to the world. You have already done SO much to inform the community and the world about EB through your willingness to share your story. Take this pain that you feel and use it for motivation to continue doing what you do so well. Know that you and Tripp have a special place in the hearts of many. God Bless you!

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  102. Happy birthday sweet Tripp. You are always in my heart and in my mind. So is your mother.

    I am so sad that you are not here with her.

    Love always

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  103. Happy Birthday sweet Tripp!!! You will always be remembered and will always make a difference. Save a slice of cake for mummy. We're thinking of you on your special day. xoxoxoxo

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  104. Happy 3rd birthday sweet Trip and lots of XOXO to you mamma.

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  105. My wish for you is that somehow, or someway you are able to feel Tripp's love around you.

    Life can be so very difficult for some, and I am so sorry you have certainly had your heaping helping of unfairness!

    I so share in your feelings of the toy section at Target, etc. I can't go to birthday parties, and I have to overt my eyes to so many "normal" kid things. Things that so many don't even have to think twice about. My family situation just doesn't fit into the world I am surrounded in. My child's birthday is the single most difficult day of the entire year for me. I feel so terrible in saying this, but the whole month leading up to it is awful, and the day of, is a wreck. I feel so sad, but I wish I could just skip it. Ugh...I feel so bad just typing those words. Too many sad memories though.

    Your pictures melted my heart, as Tripp always does. He was so unbelievably full of life, love and laughter!

    Oh Courtney...I can feel the unending pain in your voice. I am terribly sorry. I wish I could reach out and hug you, and your mom too!!

    You are so right, no mom should have to go decorate a cemetery...so wrong...so wrong.

    My love to you girl!

    Jen

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  106. I'm thinking of you often and wishing you peace and strength. Your posts make me take stock of how lucky I am to be a mother and what a treasure our children are to us.

    If you ever have the desire to advocate for a little boy with EB who needs a family (and also needs funds in his grant for to assist an adoptive family with expenses), PLEASE consider spreading 14 month old Neal's picture and how others can help him find a loving compassionate mother like you. I understand if it's too painful and you can't. I just wanted to let others know another little boy with EB desperately needs a mama.

    http://reecesrainbow.org/31789/neal-2h

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  107. Your posts are so beautiful. What a wonderful mother you are. You inspire and amaze me with the love that pours from your posts. I am devastated for you and with you. May peace find you, Courtney. Happy birthday, little Tripp.

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  108. I will hold you in my prayers. And I just *know* that God took lots of pictures of Tripp to show you one day. I know it.

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  109. Courtney,

    Hang on. I know it hurts so much right now, and this first year is going to be the hardest. This Saturday is my daughters' 5th birthday, and we will have a party for the one who lived, but three weeks after that is the anniversary of losing her sister to meningitis.

    I'm glad you got to spend so much time with Tripp. It will be hard without him, but you can make it through. You have had a very intense three years, so I'll give you this advice: cry when you need to, and don't be ashamed of it. You've earned that right, and it helps.

    Be there for each other, but know that your aren't alone. More people than you may realize know what you're going through. Don't be afraid to let them help you.

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  110. Happy birthday, sweet Tripp. Pray for your mommy, that God will send her a little comfort to help her through.

    I sit here shedding tears for a boy I never met. Maybe the baby I lost can be your buddy in heaven. Teach him to play the drums like you did, ok?

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  111. Happy Birthday dear Tripp. Your first birthday pain free, in the arms of Our Lord. Bless you, Courtney.

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  112. Courtney,

    You are so beautiful and so is your precious baby boy! Your posts bring tears to my eyes as I hear the endless love you have for your son!

    Tripp is still making a difference in the world today as I hold my sweet girl a little longer and a little tighter every time I read one of your posts about your little man.

    Thank you for continuing to share your journey with us. I look forward to meeting Tripp one day in glory.

    Sincerely,
    Rebecca Rossi

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  113. Courtney,
    Happy Birthday to your little angel. You consistently talk about how proud of him you are but i hope you know that Tripp is SOOO PROUD of you too. You are an advocate and educator for EB. THank you for opening my eyes.

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  114. You are in my thoughts every single day Courtney. ((hugs)) on this day that is full of some of the happiest and saddest memories.

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  115. Wow, did this bring tears to my eyes. You continue to be an amazing mom to Tripp, keeping his memory alive, which keeps him alive in your heart and the hearts of so many of us out here. Happy birthday to beautiful, sweet Tripp!

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  116. Happy 3rd birthday Tripp! Courtney, praying for you. I'm sure Tripp had the best Elmo party with Jesus! I wish I had better words to describe how much your story has meant to me. I wish I could reach through my computer and give you the biggest HUG. I wish somehow that I could lessen your pain. Your are so brave! Please know that I aspire to be a mother like you to my two boys. You have changed the way that I look at every day that I have with them. Sweet Tripp is looking down on you, missing you like crazy. But is comforted by Jesus until its time for you to be with him again. Happy birthday Tripp !

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  117. I don't get through reading any of your posts with dry eyes, but this one really got me. We will be celebrating my son's first birthday this weekend, and before you posted the request to make donations to the Butterfly Fund, we started a fundraiser at dEBra. Instead of receiving presents and giving party favors, we and our guests are donating to dEBra in Tripp's memory. Every day, I hug my son a little tighter thinking about you and Tripp, and I will certainly be extra grateful this weekend, too.

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  118. Happy 3rd Birthday to Tripp. There are no words, just heartfelt thoughts for you both, a wish for there to be a cure for EB and prayers for strength that you may find peace in your heart someday. Thinking of you both. Cxxx

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  119. What a beautiful tribute to your sweet baby boy. I give you my love as a mother. my heart aches for you but know that although EB took the most perfect little boy, it did not take everything. Both of you have touched so many lives with your courage and unconditional love. I know I am a better person and mommy because I have "met" you. Thank you for allowing us to be a part of your life and know that you have support from all of the country...possibly the world. Keep your head up knowing that Tripp is in the most perfect place free from pain. All the best to you Courtney!

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  120. Happy Birthday, Tripp.

    I am so sorry you have to go through this. I know how it is to decorate a grave instead of have a party. It breaks the heart over & over again.

    Praying for you.

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  121. Courtney, I have followed your story of Tripp's life for several months. I was so sad when he passed away. My grandson, Luke, has EB. He is 2 1/2. Our family prays daily that there will be a cure for this disorder very soon, and these precious little children will no longer suffer the pain of EB. Thank you for your honesty and insight into Tripp's life. I pray for comfort and healing for you and your family. May God watch over all the little ones afflicted with EB, and have mercy on them all. God bless you. Sincerely, Kim.

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  122. Oh my goodness Courtney, I am sitting her sobbing after that post. My heart literally breaks for you. Happy belated birthday to your sweet baby boy. I hope you are doing as well as you can, and that you are surrounded by love and comfort. I cannot imagine how hard it is for you day in and day out. *hugs* You are an amazing mother to Tripp and I know he watching down on you.
    Have you ever thought of seeing a medium (I was watching Long Island Medium earlier so it made me think of it for you), I am he would come through.

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  123. My eyes teared up reading this post. You are right...no mother should have to decorate her child's grave. It's devastating. I hope you did more than decorate Tripp's grave to celebrate his short, but wonderful life. I hope you had a piece of cake for him (and maybe a bit of sangria :) ), make a toast and sung happy birthday to Tripp. Happy Belated 3rd Birthday.

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  124. Happy 3rd Birthday Tripp. I hope you are celebrating in Heaven. Just the other day I bought my 9 month old son an Elmo toy so I can tell him a story of an amazing little boy that fought so hard, inspired, and brought joy to so many. Take care of your sweet mommy now!

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  125. Hi Courtney! My name is Racheal and I have never posted a comment on your blog or anyone else's for that matter. I just wanted to let you know that I haven't known of Tripp very long. I just happened to stumble across him/you on Facebook through someone else. I just felt the need to tell you that I admire you as a mother and as such a strong and very amazing woman! I feel the need to look at all Tripp's videos and pictures every now and then. I feel like when I look at him, I see the most amazing little Angel! I really feel close to God when I look at this precious little boy! There are no words to describe Tripp! He is so beautiful and all I see when I look at him is heaven, angels, and I feel God's presence from him! How blessed are you to have been the one to have had the privilage to be the mother to an angel that you will see again one day! I can't even begin to imagine how you miss him but I know you know in your heart that he is waiting for you and is forever grateful to you for being the mother you were to him! I pray that you will feel peace and that you have many more blessings to come!

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  126. Happy birthday brave and precious Tripp! I am thinking of you everyday and you constantly inspire me. I dressed in red on your birthday as a tribute to you and sang Elmo songs to my kids all day long.I made a donation in your honour to the Butterfly Fund. I am sure that Jesus threw a fantastic Elmo party for you and you drummed all your nicest rythms for your mummy in her heart. Be close to her love and hold her tight in her dreams. Sleep tight special Angel, until you are reunited again. Love, Talia

    Dear Courtney, your post really breaks my heart. I am writing you a letter and will post it to you in the coming days. Lots of love to you and your family,Talia

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  127. Happy third birthday, little Tripp! And much love to you, Mama. It pained me so to read this- I can only imagine the far, far greater pain for your in writing it.

    Wishing and praying and hoping for bits of peace to find you and give your comfort. I'm quite sure Jesus has a stellar camera and loads of angelic photographers capturing Tripp's every moment for you to see someday. I truly believe His heart aches for you and I pray that He will continue to send His love to fill the empty spaces in your life.

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  128. Courtney,

    My heart just breaks for you. I will be praying for you and I am so sorry that you are without your precious Tripp.

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  129. Courtney, you are the bravest woman i know. i can't imagine getting up each day and trying to move through such grief. i'm praying for you.

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  130. You are such an incredible mother, Courtney. Belated Happy Birthday Tripp! Rest in peace you brave brave little man.

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  131. Courtney,

    My little boy Aaron turns 3 in September. I wish Tripp a very joyful birthday. Keep us in your prayers big, beautiful and corageous boy.

    I will keep you in my prayers Courtney and family. Please do the same.

    Benjamin

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  132. Courtney I too stumbled onto your site, Tripp's story is just so precious & makes me appreciate my 3 healthy kids. Knowing that things can change at anytime.
    Tripp will always be remembered and kept in or prayers.
    Thank you for being so strong, and amazing.

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  133. If Heaven were Tripp’s voice, here is what he’d say
    Don’t cry for me Mom, I’m doing ok!
    I am having so much fun, I can walk, skip and run
    I can play in the water and bask in the sun
    Nothing hurts anymore, no more blisters on me
    And Mom, guess what? My eyes are healed and now I can see!
    I play on the drums and Jesus says I am the best,
    And he lets me play along to the storms from the West
    So when you hear it start to rain, and the thunder Ka-Booms
    It’s just me playing along, to the Angels tunes
    So look up to the sky, and you will hear my song
    and if you close your eyes, you can hear me singing along

    I watch over you every single day, and I pray
    That God helps my Mom, to feel okay
    I knew it would be hard when I had to leave you
    I stayed for as long as I could, but my time was due
    I begged Jesus for just one more hour, one more day
    I wanted to a little more time in your arms rocking away
    But he told me I couldn’t, that he needed me with him
    He let me kiss you while you were sleeping as the night started to dim
    I left you extra kisses on your pillow and in your heart
    So if you are every feeling lonely that we are apart
    Just hold your pillow tight and you will feel my love
    And know that it is always shining on you from above
    We will be together again and until that day
    Know I am safe with Jesus and not far away
    I am with you in everything that you do
    I am with you in everything that you see
    Don’t be afraid to try something new
    Just because you have to do it without me
    I am always there guiding you through
    I am holding your hand, leading the way
    Every second of the hour, every hour of the day
    It will get easier Mom, I promise you this
    I told Jesus that is my only wish
    He promised to grant it, and is good for his word
    Just give me a sign to know that you heard
    I want you to be happy and go out and have fun!
    I want to see you running, and playing in that same big sun
    that we have up here, it shines so bright
    And we can both look at the same stars at night
    My favorite is Orion, he is a warrior like me and you
    No one could foresee all the things we would do!
    So you see, we are together really, thought it may not seem so
    I am always with you, everywhere that you go
    God said you’re an Angel, and that he is so proud
    Of everything you do, and that your voice is so loud
    Everyone has heard of us, and our battle with EB
    You have opened so many eyes to help find a cure
    I told God you won’t quit fighting, of this I am sure
    I am so proud of you Mom, I can’t thank you enough
    You never stopped fighting, even when things got rough
    I am so very thankful, that God chose you to be mine
    I couldn’t imagine anyone else to spend my little bit of time
    I love you so much, please show your smile for everyone to see
    And when they ask why you’re so happy, say cause I am Tripp’s Mommy
    Love you Mommy

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  134. If Heaven were Tripp’s voice, here is what he’d say
    Don’t cry for me Mom, I’m doing ok!
    I am having so much fun, I can walk, skip and run
    I can play in the water and bask in the sun
    Nothing hurts anymore, no more blisters on me
    And Mom, guess what? My eyes are healed and now I can see!
    I play on the drums and Jesus says I am the best,
    And he lets me play along to the storms from the West
    So when you hear it start to rain, and the thunder Ka-Booms
    It’s just me playing along, to the Angels tunes
    So look up to the sky, and you will hear my song
    and if you close your eyes, you can hear me singing along

    I watch over you every single day, and I pray
    That God helps my Mom, to feel okay
    I knew it would be hard when I had to leave you
    I stayed for as long as I could, but my time was due
    I begged Jesus for just one more hour, one more day
    I wanted to spend the hours in your arms rocking away
    But he told me I couldn’t, that he needed me with him
    He let me kiss you while you were sleeping as the night started to dim
    I left you extra kisses on your pillow and in your heart
    So if you are every feeling lonely that we are apart
    Just hold your pillow tight and you will feel my love
    And know that it is always shining on you from above
    We will be together again and until that day
    Know I am safe with Jesus and not far away
    I am with you in everything that you do
    I am with you in everything that you see
    Don’t be afraid to try something new
    Just because you have to do it without me
    I am always there guiding you through
    I am holding your hand, leading the way
    Every second of the hour, every hour of the day




    It will get easier Mom, I promise you this
    I told Jesus that is my only wish
    He promised to grant it, and is good for his word
    Just give me a sign to know that you heard
    I want you to be happy and go out and have fun!
    I want to see you running, and playing in that same big sun
    that we have up here, it shines so bright
    And we can both look at the same stars at night
    My favorite is Orion, he is a warrior like me and you
    No one could foresee all the things we would do!
    So you see, we are together really, thought it may not seem so
    I am always with you, everywhere that you go
    God said you’re an Angel, and that he is so proud
    Of everything you do, and that your voice is so loud
    Everyone has heard of us, and our battle with EB
    You have opened so many eyes to help find a cure
    I told God you won’t quit fighting, of this I am sure
    I am so proud of you Mom, I can’t thank you enough
    You never stopped fighting, even when things got rough
    I am so very thankful, that God chose you to be mine
    I couldn’t imagine anyone else to spend my little bit of time
    I love you so much, please show your smile for everyone to see
    And when they ask why you’re so happy, say cause I am Tripp’s Mommy
    Love you Mommy

    Written by Ronica Bagley

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  135. Hi Courtney, After reading your story on babble.com (before Tripp passed), I've continued to visit your site from time to time to see how you are doing, and your love for Tripp always moves me to tears. Tripp was as lucky to have you as you were to have him. The two of you made up the most amazing mother-son due I've ever seen. And he was such a special little man, with the most beautiful soul. You could see it in that smile. I am so sorry that you are not able to see that smile in person or hold him. And you are right--no mother should have to go a day without holding her baby. I'm wishing you peace in your heart today and always. May God comfort you whenever you miss your amazing little man, and especially on birthdays and any holidays are milestones. It's impossible to comprehend or make sense of why our Lord chooses to take someone as amazing as Tripp to heaven, but if there was ever an angel on Earth, it was your son. I pray that the Lord continues to be a great source of strength for you and that you feel the genuine love in all of the comments made by strangers whose lives you continue to touch with your grace. Love, Vanessa

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  136. So much love and prayers to you, Courtney. Happy Birthday, little Tripp! We all love and miss you.

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  137. Courtney, I finally got an acct. set up so that I could post to you. I have been truly blessed to follow your journey with Tripp. With the help of your loving and strong spirit, Tripp accomplished more in his short lifetime than most adults achieve in their entire life. Most importantly, he brought thousands upon thousands closer to Jesus.

    I do believe you were chosen to be the perfect Mommy for Tripp. You have a gift. Through your writing, you are bringing the world closer to a cure for EB. Most definitely through the awareness that you've created about this horrible disease, fewer babies will be born with EB due to genetic testing.

    There is so much more I could write about your inspirational story. Words that you have probably heard from others in the hundreds of posts to you. Tripp was a little man with courage and unselfish love. Even in the end, he showed how brave and how pure his love was by waiting for you to share those last precious minutes. Even though his little body was worn out, he had the courage to wait until he was in your arms before he let go.

    I lost a child too. I can promise you that a time will come when your despair will ease and a smile will come to your face before a tear rolls down your cheek. But for right now, you must grieve in order to heal. Be happy for Tripp in all ways. Be proud of yourself and be proud of him. Tripp was a blessing to this world and so are you.

    Thank you from the bottom of my heart for sharing Tripp's story. His story profoundly changed my life and the lives of others. Thank you for being a wonderful mother. Your gift and your love immeasurably graced us.

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  138. I found this blog thru an older post on Adeye's blog and just wanted to say that I am soooo VERY sorry for your devastating loss of precious Tripp! Though I KNOW you realize he is now pain free and in the arms of Jesus, i know that we are human and that your arms still ache to hold him. May you find comfort in the memories and peace in knowing that your sweet boy was and is well loved and is pain free...

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  139. Sweetie, I dont know you but followed your little man fir a year of his life. I hope you weren't in that car alone because I would have been there to cry with you. I'm an atheist but am suspending my belief in the end because I know that Tripp deserves to be in a beautiful evermore with his drum waiting for his momma. My heart broke the day you let us know he was gone. I feel selfish with my own little man but hope I can only love him as much as you loved Tripp. All anyone can ever hope to achieve is what you did for him. Just remember that your baby is being cared for in the best possible place at the moment and you need to take the best care of yourself. Atheist or not I know in my soul you two will be together one day and when Tripp has asked what you have been up to he will want lots of amazing stories and adventures. You have all the love that my family and I can give. I hope the days get easier.

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  140. Happy birthday, Tripp. I know you're always watching over your mommy <3

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  141. Happy Birthday dear Tripp. You are a blessed little fella with an angel mother.

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  142. I've been reading your story for some time now and I have not been able to find the words to tell you how lucky the world was when precious Tripp was brought into it. I mean, what do I say to you that would comfort you? I wish all of the comments above and below could bring you some sort of peace or comfort but really, I can't imagine they do. Just know that many, many people are praying for you and thinking of you. I know that I am. I always say a quiet little prayer that includes you. Tripp HAS to be pain free and laughing up there with the lord. I imagine he's playing and singing his Elmo song and watching over you. And you know what you can do for him? For Tripp? You can keep breathing. Just keep breathing through each day. God put you on this earth for Tripp but he has other plans for you. I'm sure of it. Just keep breathing and surviving. You are always in my prayers.

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  143. This is so sweet and means so much. I can feel the love that you have for your sweet boy just by reading a few of your posts. I am definitely keeping you in my prayers and thought! You are such an amazing woman and mom to such a special and amazing little boy. I am a member of the LDS church. If you get just a second i think that you would like to read this. I know that you and Tripp will be together again someday as an eternal family. And there will be more love than you can ever imagine!
    http://www.lds.org/general-conference/1996/10/the-eternal-family?lang=eng

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  144. One day, you'll be able to meet your baby boy just as old as he was when he left and went to heaven, but he will not have EB or any other challenge. You'll be able to raise him and spend his 3rd and 4th and 5th (and so on) birthday with him, and see him grow up. He'll be able to eat his cake with his fingers and be free of the challenges EB placed on him. Heavenly Father wouldn't ever take that away from you, there is just a parting period right now until you get to raise your sweet baby boy again. I hope you feel the truth of these words. I am also a member of the LDS church and I know that you'll be with your baby boy again, and be able to spend every second together with him then that you didn't get to spend on earth.

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  145. Birth gifts is the most expensive to who get this whether it is important or not to him/her. It shows the love to ward them.
    by gifts to india

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  146. Oh my god, this is a very heartbreaking story...i dont know you nor bubby but i cant stop crying reading your notes. He was a very lucky boy. dont worry, god will meet you two together one day, and he'll stay with you for eternity

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