9 months ago today, I felt like I had my heart ripped out of my chest.
And every day for 9 months, I have felt the aching pain of wanting you back in my arms.
It felt like a lifetime from the day I found out I was pregnant until I was finally able to meet you.
And now... that's how long I've been without you.
Sometimes I still can't believe it's real.
Especially when I look at that beautiful smiling face...
Soon, I'll be going through my first Halloween without you.
Seeing all the other children dressing up and wishing you were doing the same.
And then my first Christmas without you...
Please help Mommy to be strong, sweet boy.
I hope I make you proud.
The hope of seeing you again consumes my every thought.
I miss you more than I could ever say.
Especially today...
Love,
Sending you hugs and prayers sweet Courtney <3
ReplyDeleteThinking of you and I really hope you know just how special you are. You and Tripp are always in my thoughts! <3<3<3
ReplyDeleteStay strong and never feel guilty about smiling again. You remain in my prayers always.
ReplyDeleteStill thinking of you and Tripp everyday and hoping that you can get happy again.
ReplyDeleteI pray for you everyday Courtney. You are an amazing and very strong person. Sending positive thoughts and lots of love your way.
ReplyDeleteI just finished reading your entire blog minutes ago. You are strong beyond words and an inspiration to millions. Now it's Tripp's turn to watch over you.
ReplyDeleteI pray for you everyday Courtney. You are an amazing and very strong person. Sending prayers and lots of love your way.
ReplyDeleteI pray for you everyday Courtney. You are an amazing and very strong person. Sending prayers and lots of love your way.
ReplyDeleteHugs and prayers to you hon.
ReplyDelete<><
I was just thinking about you the other day and I hope you know sweet Tripp is watching over you and he is happy that you are happy here on Earth. I know he would want you to make the most of this life you have and he will be by your side helping you stand strong and see the beauty in everyday. Hugs sweet Courtney
ReplyDeleteSending prayers and hugs your way. In my heart I know that Tripp is so proud of you and he is up there smiling and pointing down telling everyone "That's my Mommy"!
ReplyDeleteCourtney, Tripp is a regular in our thoughts in this house though we never met him. We are honored to call him our son's friend in heaven. He reminds me of St. Therese of Liseux who prayed that she would accomplish even more in heaven than she could on earth.
ReplyDeleteStill, as a mama, I weep whenever I read your posts both in gratitude for your wisdom and your recognition of how wonderful it was (and is) to know your son as you have, and in sorrow for your great, great loss. You are in our prayers, dear woman.
Impossibile dimenticare il cammino fatto con te, cara Courtney, anche se da lontano, mentre ti prendevi cura del tuo piccolo meraviglioso bambino...
ReplyDeleteIl dolore è grande, infinito, ma non dimenticare mai che non sei sola, noi non ci dimenticheremo mai di te e del tuo adorato Tripp che ha insegnato a tutti noi il vero senso della vita e il valore dell'amore di una madre che non finirà mai.
Con immenso affetto
Carla Sardegna Italy
Love you, girl. Continuing to pray!!
ReplyDeleteSaying an extra prayer for you tonight, Courtney. Tripp's smile warms my heart. Such a special boy. XOXOXO
ReplyDeleteYep, the year of "firsts" really bites. Can't sugar coat it. Right there with ya. Just hit the two year anniversary on Thursday in our house. My mom teaches in our seminar that it's important to 'mark the occasion' in some conscious way. I hid under the covers for the first half of the day, because that was all I could manage to do. You are extremely strong, and it's okay when you're feeling like you're not. Even then, YOU, Courtney, are light years stronger than many, and stronger than you realize in the moment. We are all here holding you and your family in prayer and love as you get ripped through the season of firsts. Much love, Tim and Ang
ReplyDeleteWhat a doll! There is no doubt in my mind that he is soooo proud of you. I bet he shouts it from Jesus' lap for the angels to hear how proud he is of you! Maybe Jesus has even helped him come up with a song about their love for you. Makes me smile to think of him beating away on an amazing drum set with that smile that melts my heart flashed across his beautiful face. I hope I am there in heaven to witness your reunion with him! (ahem - as I swallow the lump in my throat)
ReplyDeleteI miss him too
ReplyDeleteHis beautiful smile! I can't imagine how much you miss him. I think about Tripp often. He was too brave to be a little boy. I'm sure he was a warrior at heart. I kmoe that there is a little boy up in heaven telling God and all his Angels, about the ost loving and amazing mommy he had during his short time on earth.
ReplyDeleteDear Courtney. I've send You few letters about the fact you can see you lovely babyboy again. I lost my beloved gandmothet last friday and it feels so bad right now. But I know, I will see her again too. Loving thoughts.
ReplyDeleteWhen i see his beautiful smile i can almost not breathe. To miss him the way you do as his mother must be so hard :-( even i miss him when i see his picture. Love always To you both <3
ReplyDeleteSending you love and hugs today, mama. <3
ReplyDeleteNot a day goes by that I don't think of you and Tripp. Sending you lots of hugs and prayers.
ReplyDeleteMy family and I pray for you often. I know your son is looking at you and saying to Jesus thank you for giving me the best mommy ever:)
ReplyDeleteGod Bless you and your family.
I think of Tripp a lot too and never knew him or Courtney. But you are amazing and Tripp will be proud of you. It must seem like the longest 9 months, but actually our time here is a blink of the eye and when it is time, tripp will be waiting for you. In the meantime, you've started me on a journey to help others and no doubt done the same for countless more.
ReplyDeleteYou & your family continue to be in my thoughts and prayers.May God give you the strength & courage to face your year of "firsts" always knowing that your baby boy is there with you.
ReplyDeletePrayers
warm hugs :(
ReplyDeleteTripp is always in my thoughts. ♥
ReplyDeleteContinued Hugs & Love to your family
You are so strong Courtney, and I admire you so much. Tripp was such a sweet and handsome boy; the way he smiled through all that pain is something that will always stick with me and remind me to chin up whenever I think I have it rough. You're in my thoughts!
ReplyDeleteSo sweet. This life is just a flash in our eternal existence. You'll be with your baby before you know it. Much love to you.
ReplyDeleteDear girl...you make us all proud. Where does the time go. I can't believe it's been 9 months. His life continues to touch lives in the here and now for better. He's gone, but not truly gone! Sending love and prayers...
ReplyDeleteMiss you too sweet pea! Keep watching over your precious mummy.
ReplyDeleteWhat a wonderful mom you were to this absolutely fabulous little boy! I love the pictures with his beautiful smiles.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry. That pain won't ever go away. It may become more tolerable because God made our bodies and hearts to heal. But because God knows how amazing moms are to children he will have them yearn for each other until they meet again. Eternity is longer than earth life so that is something we know and that is good. It may not feel like it now.
ReplyDeleteI think you should have more kids when the time arrives. Not to get over Tripp for that will never happen. But because in eternity our kids are our jewels. They are more important than possessions or positions or anything else on the planet. Tripp would love siblings and you are such a great mom. I hope it doesn't sound like I'm trying to give you a bandage for the pain. It is sincere. God is watching over Tripp. It is amazing he did what he did and you did what you did. He loves you. God and Tripp. Thanks for sharing your story and feelings.
I have just read about your sweet Boy Tripp what a amazing little boy that endure so much but keep smiling what a precious smile!! I am truly sorry for the loss of your sweet Tripp I know nothing that I say helps your pain but, I am so thankful that you and I have a loving HEAVENLY FATHER that can comfort and strengthen us through all things even such a tragic loss of your son Tripp a loss that I cannot imagine!! I have only known about EB for just a few months but, I can assure you that I have told people about it and have shared many families stories about this horrible disease!! I will continue to pray for you and I will continue to pray for a cure!! GOD BLESS YOU!!
ReplyDeleteOh Courtney, My heart hurts for you, I know Tripp is no longer suffering with pain but as a mom it still hurts to not be able to hold and kiss him when we want to. The first's are rough for all but I sometimes think that the seconds are also as rough. I have to say that Tripp has to be the most proud little drummer up there when he gets to tell everyone what an amazing family he has. I can only hope that he is able to give you the strenght to have a life that he would have had if it wasn't for the nasty word called EB. He would want that for you, he was so so strong and he had to have got that from YOU. Stay Strong Courtney for yourself and for Tripp.
ReplyDeleteDear Courtney, my heart aches so much for you and for Tripp. I think constantly of you both and I pray for you. Sometimes I do not manage to reply to your blogs because I feel so overwhelmed and I feel I cannot find any word which could be of confort..I have known Tripp only through your blog, yet he has such an impact on my life! I miss him too and I let myself be inspired by him. His beautiful face and smiles are so precious, it just makes me wish I could hug and kiss him. To endure such a pain with such a smile shows us once more what an Angel he is and how strong and amazing he is. AS I told you I honour him in my own special way every 14 and I want to keep contributing to Debra and to the Butterfly Fund as much as I can. I will pray that He and Jesus give you an extra strenght at Halloween and Christmas..and I will pray that a cure is found so that nobody has to suffer anymore from this devastating disease.
ReplyDeleteGod Bless you my friend. Tripp is watching over you and seeing all the great things happening in your life and is smiling so big!! He is so very proud you are his mommy... We all love you and please know you have all the support from all you friends in the EB community and beyond...
ReplyDeleteI know you miss Tripp. We miss him, too, and we only saw him via the internet. Please know you are thought of, prayed for, and loved. Hold tight to Stephen and especially to Jesus.
ReplyDeletePrayers for you…I cannot imagine your pain as a momma without your sweet boy to hold, love on and enjoy. May God bestow His grace and peace upon you.
ReplyDeleteCourtney, think about you and Tripp all the time. Know he is smiling down on you and so proud of you. Also so happy for the good things that are happening in your life. Always cling to God first. Love to you.
ReplyDeleteYou're in my thoughts and prayers. I can't even being to imagine what you have all gone through. Sending you warm hugs.
ReplyDeleteHi Courtney!
ReplyDeleteI just got caught up on your blog after weeks away. I loved reading your experience on Sesame Street and can say I am an Elmo fan for life.
I think of you and your family often and am sure Tripp continues to watch his Mommy in amazement..Keep spreading joy and goodwill in your neck of the woods and raising awareness to beat EB....
Joseph, Joanna and Jude
Madison, Wisconsin
Such a beautiful baby boy! He is with you always and so proud of how strong you have been!! Continuing to send thoughts and prayers your way.
ReplyDeleteI know this is still such a difficult time for you. I can't begin to imagine how you feel, but I still think of you and Tripp every day. Also, my son and I STILL pray for you every night during his prayers. You may not be able to hold Tripp anymore or hear him play the drums, but he is always with you shining his love upon you and protecting you. Stay strong. God bless you!
ReplyDeleteWith love,
Gina
What a precious child of God. Praying for you today.
ReplyDeleteDear Courtney,
ReplyDeleteI only got to know Tripp's story a couple of days ago, when I searched for some info about EB after watching a TV programme on the topic of this awful desease. I am also a mother, of a baby girl who just turned one year so reading your story really touched me and made me cry and realize how lucky I am to have a healthy child and how wrong I have been to complain about little problems of everyday life while there is so much suffering out there.
I am writing you from the other side of the globe (from Bulgaria which is a country in Eastern Europe) so you see, there is no distance when it comes to feelings, and while I usually don't post any comments, this time I felt the need to say Hello, I am here, and my heart understands how tough it has to be to be blessed with such a beautiful baby only to be left so soon with empty hands and not see him grow..... it's truly unbearable and no mother should go trough this as no child should have to suffer what Tripp suffered in his life.
No words can describe how sorry I was to read the end of your story. I just wanted to tell you that my prayers go for your beautiful baby boy and for you!
Hi Courtney -
ReplyDeleteI've been following your blog for a little while now, and am so touched by your complete devotion to your son. Tripp is just the cutest little boy ever. It is completely unfair that you and Tripp had to go through this.
Praying for you during these upcoming holidays that i know will be difficult.
Love from Houston, TX
With tears flowing I pray that you find peace . What a smile he had ! Carry it with you forever and know that he is always watching over you with that big bright smile looking down at you !! He is your very own angel . God bless you and your family and stay strong and never close up your feelings . Keep them flowing , it is good for you !! God bless and thank you for sharing your story !! He will forever be in my heart !!
ReplyDeleteSending lots of hugs and prayers---always in our hearts.
ReplyDeleteCourtney,
ReplyDeleteI am a brand new visitor. I spent the last few hours reading through your blog. What a lucky boy Tripp was to have you as a mom. God knew what he was doing when he matched you two up. The love you showed him was incredible and deeply moving to me as a person and a mom.
I pray that your pain lessens. You did so much for him. It was a blessing for you to share it.
His personality was just precious, so sad that such a little guy had to suffer any at all. But knowing he is in Heaven and that you earned your place,with him for everlasting life, may you find peace in that.
Thanks for sharing it.
Hugs,
Mimi
You are an amazing woman and mom. He was such a beautiful boy. Carry the memories with you always. Sending hugs to you today.
ReplyDeleteI cant imagine the pain you feel. As a young mother of a 4 year old and a 9 month old my heart pours out to you. I hope they find a cure. Many payers.
ReplyDeleteSuch a precious little boy and such a sweet smile. My prayers and sincere thoughts are with you Courtney and your sweet angel.
ReplyDelete