Wednesday, April 9, 2014


Mr. and Mrs. Stephen Alexander :)

I finally got to marry the man of my dreams!

(picture courtesy of our talented friend, Aly Ragan:)

On February 8, Stephen and I got married in the church. 
It was beautiful.
It wasn't about flowers.
 It wasn't about dresses or about music... 
It was about the LOVE that I have had for this man for 3 years 
and the love that he has shown me back.   
A love that I honestly feel makes me more giddy every day. 

We were married by Fr. Mark Beard at St. Helena Church in Amite, LA.  Then, we celebrated at my (very generous) Aunt and Uncle's house in Slidell. (who I cannot thank enough for such a beautiful reception) 
Everything was perfect and exactly what we have been wishing for. Then, we honeymooned in the beautiful Imperial Valentin resort in Rivieria Maya. 
It was perfect and beautiful and we never wanted to come home!

You know that cheesy saying? 
Every love story is beautiful, but ours is my favorite. 
Well, I'm here to say that as cheesy as that might be- 
our love story is by far my favorite.

This man came into my life when my world was crumbling down around me.  He came in, stepped up to the plate, no questions asked.  He treated my son like he was his son, too.  He loved him.  He wiped my tears and he treated me with the utmost respect.  There were many times when I would think to myself, "There is no way this guy is going to follow through with this... it's just too much drama for one person."  But he stayed...  and not only stayed, but went above and beyond my expectations.
  I knew I had struck gold. 

 He shows me every day the definition of unconditional love.  He's taught me how to be a better person and a better spouse.  He has given me another reason to live.  
And I think I have my sweet boy to thank for that... 

I know I haven't written much in these past 2 years... and I apologize.  It's been one heck of a roller coaster ride.  There are things I've shared with you guys and things that I have had to keep personal.  And trust me, it's not easy because I've shared SO much with all of you already.  But I can tell you that God has not only been present in mine and Stephen's life, but He has been adamant about gaining our love and trust.  He is not finished presenting us with suffering that brings forth perseverance.  It's been a bumpy road full of surprises... but never once have we questioned if God has been present.  He has strengthened our relationship with Him and our relationship with each other.  
It's been pretty incredible to witness...
(along with being a little unfair :)
BUT... I have many many things to be thankful for.  The most important being that I have a spouse who I am certain will be by my side through whatever it is we encounter.  
If we have survived this, we can survive anything.  
(God, please do not take that the wrong way,  I'm not saying I want to be the next Job).

So my path of grief has been an uphill battle.  Especially at my age, when all my friends around me have families or are just beginning their families.  It's like a little pinch of my heart when I'm around other babies or pregnant mommies... STILL, after 2 years.  I can't believe it's been 2 years.  But I think like any other grieving parent would say... It gets a little easier to "function" with time.  But is it "functioning" or is it being "fake" so that people don't think "Gosh, it's been 2 years, how long is she going to be such a miserable person?"  I feel like sometimes it's both.

  I don't think (well, actually I know) that I'll never be the same person that I was before Tripp was born.  That person is gone.  There's a new person... and I love her and I hate her.  I love her because she is more faithful.  She has opened up every crack and crevice of her faith and discovered things that she has never known... it's helped her and her husband to be better Christians.  I love her because she is more sensitive to others feelings.  I love her because of the magnitude of love and patience she had with her son.  I hate her now because she has no patience... and because she has a hard time having fun.  I hate her because she feels guilty about every single thing she does because she's doing it without her baby.  I hate her because she has a different mindset around people- because the loss of her child is ALWAYS on her mind, even when it's not on someone else's. 

It's difficult trying to live the life of two emotions.  One being so incredibly happy, with an amazing husband who supports me and loves me and two incredible families who love the both of us... and another being so sad that I don't have my baby to hold in my arms.... my baby who would be FIVE years old this year.  FIVE.  I would have a 5 year old.   He would be going to school... playing sports... talking back... telling jokes.  It's nauseating to think about.  What would he look like?  What would he act like?  All I can picture are those big brown eyes... 

To say I miss him, is such a huge understatement.  
But to say that God has blessed Stephen and I, is also a big understatement. 
We are just trucking along, learning new things every single day and trying to stay on the narrow path.  
I can't wait to continue sharing our journey with all of you, who have stood by us, loved us, and supported us unconditionally.  
Thank you all SO much!