Wednesday, January 14, 2015

3 years...

"Child loss is not an event,
 it is an indescribable journey of survival." 

I am so grateful today and every day for the 2.5 years of joy this little angel brought into my life.  
I can hardly believe it's been 3 full years since he's been gone.  
I don't know how my heart does it.  
I am broken-hearted that Tripp won't be here to meet his new brother or sister soon.
That we won't get to buy "big brother" shirts and take pictures plenty of pictures together.
It's not fair.  And it hurts.  
But I realize this is not something I can change and that God had a different plan for our lives.
So I am hopeful that this new baby will have the greatest big brother guardian angel in heaven.  

Mommy misses you so much, sweet boy. 
I'm so thankful for all of the pictures and videos I captured of 
you so that I can keep your memory close in my heart...
Every day, but especially on days like today, 
when the bad memories and the pain try to sneak in. 

From the day you were born, until the day you took your last breath in my arms,
you filled my life with so much happiness.  
I had never felt more complete. 
I dream about the day me, you, Stephen and your new sibling are together again as one big family. 
And until then, I will never, ever stop missing you.  
Not for one day. 



  1. Praying for peace today. It's hard to believe it has been 3 years. You continue to be an example to me (and I am much older than you.)

  2. You have my love & your sweet boy stole a piece of my heart...not really, I surrendered it willingly & fell in love with him the moment I saw him shakin his little booty & playin the drums & "messin" you! He is so amazing! I am so excited for you as you enter a new chapter in your life, and can think of no one on the earth who deserves happiness more than you!!! 💗💗💗

  3. What a love! I miss reading your posts about Tripp and I am hoping you come back to this blog with stories of your new little one. Much love and peace in your heart- that is my wish for you! The world misses your Tripp...

  4. Praying for you today. I am a very longtime reader of your blog. I will always remember Tripp, he changed me without ever meeting him. You two are the definition of raw, pure love. Hugs and prayers, Lilia

  5. Prayers for you and your family this day Courtney. I miss Tripp. Much love from California.

  6. Can't believe it's been three years ago "our" little drummer boy left us to play his drums to all the angels in Heaven..Thinking of you and your family today. Nancy

  7. You are amazing, God knew his plans when he chose you for this journey and thank you for sharing it. Tripp has changed so many lives in the short time he was here and continues to do so. I know that I strive to be a better mother everyday and hope one day to be half as good of a mother as you are! I have never seen anyone as devoted and I know you struggled but you kept your head up and never let Tripp see that, you filled his life with love and happiness and you lived for him. Thank you for sharing your wonderful son with the world, he touched so many lives.

  8. Thinking of you and sweet Tripp today. You have so many people that you have touched with your blog thank you for sharing your sweet Angel with us.

  9. I dont think any of us will ever forget Tripp, dear Courtney... (((hugs)))

  10. Wishing you and your family strenght and love from The Netherlands. Your handsome, little boy changed my life and I think many more lives of people all around the world. Your new baby can be so proud to have Tripp as his/her Big Brother and you as a mum!

  11. It is so hard to believe that it has been 3 years since your blessed Tripp went to heaven. You were his angel on earth.

  12. Thinking of what an amazing little drummer her was and the amazing Mother you were and will be soon! It doesn't seem like it has been three years but that's because he made such an impression on so many! Loved hearing from you.

  13. I think of your sweet Tripp often. I came across this blog and hopefully maybe you can reach out to this mother

  14. Prayers for you as you go through each anniversary and holiday. I hope your new little one will help you heal just a little. It will never replace, but maybe heal your heart just a little. Much love, hugs and prayers, and I can't wait to see pics of your new little bundle!

  15. I hope you find a lot of healing in parenting Tripp's baby brother or sister. Congratulations! He must be beaming above!!

  16. Courtney, you keep Tripp alive. He is forever in your heart and soul. And also in many thousands of hearts and souls since you were kind enough to share him with the world. I think of Tripp and your family every holiday and different anniversaries. I say a little prayer for you all.
    I read a book by Don Piper "90 Minutes in Heaven" and it lifted my spirits. Just knowing all my loved ones who have passed on are living in Heaven happy and pain free helps ease my mind and soul when I start to feel overwhelmed. I pray for you to feel at peace and know the love you have for Tripp will carry you through the rough times. Thank you for sharing him with all of us. You are such a caring Mom. The love you have for family shines in your writings.

  17. I have been so moved as I have read through your blog. You are an amazing mom. Tripp was/is so special. I could not believe his musical talent! Knowing how our love is multiplied when we serve someone, I cannot imagine the incredible love and void you must have felt after Tripp went to Heaven. I am so happy that you have a sweet husband and a new baby coming. I wish you wonderful, tender moments with your new little one. I know that Tripp knows how much you love him. I know he calls you blessed for all you did for him and will rejoice in being able to see you share your love.

  18. I have been so moved by your blog. You are an amazing mother and Tripp is so special. I could not believe his musical talent! Knowing how much our love multiplies when we serve someone, I cannot imagine the love and the void you must have felt when Tripp went to Heaven. I am so glad you have a sweet husband and a new baby on the way. I pray for many wonderful, tender moments with your little one. I know Tripp knows how much you love him and that he calls you blessed for all you did for him. He will rejoice to get to see you share that love again.

  19. I miss him and I never even met him. I can't imagine how his Mama misses him.
    I am praying that God gives you something during your coming birth, that lets you know Tripp is very much there with you in heart and soul. <3

  20. Courtney:

    It was an honor for me to be able to see your little angel’s memorial on the morning of the 14th as I was in the area for a conference. I am from Maryland and your mother gave me directions to the cemetery from NOLA. I wrote Tripp a note early that morning that I left on his memorial and I do not know if you got to see it or not. I made a copy if you would like to see it; I can send it to your mother via e-mail. In any event, it was a pilgrimage of sorts for me to be able to spend 15 minutes with your buddy, and it just worked out that I was able to do it on the 14th. (Chilly day though!)

    Tripp always helps me love my kids all the more. I wish you all the greatest blessings in this world and the best of luck with your baby. God bless you all.

    Matt Behum

  21. Tripp was, and still is, an incredible soul. You are such an inspiration.

  22. Courtney:

    It was a pleasure for me to be able to visit your little boy's memorial last Tuesday (the 14th). I am from Maryland and was in the area because of work. I left a note on your son's memorial that day, and I took a picture of the note if you weren't able to see it. It was a bit of a pilgrimage for me to finally visit your son. Your very nice mother e-mailed me directions and I paid my respects early that morning -- ironically the anniversary of his passing was the day I was able to drive up from NOLA. God bless you and your husband as you embark on this new chapter in your life with your precious angel looking over you. We all know he is. In this world filled with so much hate it's a sheer blessing to know folks like you have an ironclad faith in God and continue to see his presence in your lives. You are an inspiration.

  23. Prayers always for you and your family. I know Tripp will be so proud to be a big brother and will be right there with you smiling at "his" new baby. Hugs.

  24. Wow this is such an amazing journey between you and your kids esp. with your son Tripp. Your story reminded me of my eldest sister. My sister also lost her first born at the age of 5. I saw how devastated her life was at that time, it truly hurts. She didn't join us in some celebrations like Christmas, New year. Instead, she locked herself up in her room and cried. She always tells us that the wounds may/surely heal but the scars will always remain in her heart and will forever stay there, together with the memories of her son. We would always see my nephew as a sweet lil' boy in pictures. Now, my sister is blessed with 4 amazing kids. :) God bless you and your family.