14th Annual Mats Wilander Benefit

This past Monday, October 1st, was the 14th Annual Mats Wilander Tennis and Golf Benefit for DebRA that I had mentioned in a previous post.  I was chosen by DebRA as an honoree for the event and flew to NYC to attend and give my speech and to be a part of this great cause!  

The event was amazing.  

I met so many amazing people, some of them being people that I have talked to on the phone countless times but never had the opportunity to meet. 

Brett Koplean, who is the Executive Director of DebRA, took such good care of my Mom, Dad and me when we got there.  He got our flights and hotel in order, got a car service for us, and showed us around the city!  I'm so grateful for him and his wife, Jackie, for treating us so nicely.   

The EB community is really full of wonderful people! 

I got to meet Mr. Bill Cornman and Mrs. Danielle Malchano from National Rehab, where I would get Tripp's bandages.  They were so great.  I used to speak to Bill at least once a week for a while.  And got to know his voice pretty well.  But it was so nice to finally get to hug the man that went above and beyond to help me so many times- when I was beside myself stressing and worrying about bandaging materials.

I also got to meet the other honoree for the event, Dr. Phillip Reilly, who has been extremely involved with EB research.  Dr. Reilly is on the right of me in the picture below... and to the left is Dr. Jakub Tolar (whom I met and spoke with when I went to Minneapolis about the BMT for Tripp).  It was SO SO nice to see him again.  Both of these men are amazing and passionate about EB treatment and research.  It was an emotional day, for sure. 

I got to meet Leslie Rader.  I've mentioned her here on my blog several times.  She was the first  EB mom that I spoke with after Tripp was born, who lost her little girl at 7 months old.  Getting to finally hug her was amazing and very comforting. 

(and yes, she was VERY tall :) 

Every time we checked the weather for Monday, it was supposed to rain, but God gave us the most perfect day.  It was cool, sunny and absolutely beautiful.   

And I got to meet the fabulous Alan Kalter, the announcer from the David Letterman Show.  

He was amazing.  After dinner, he did the live auction for the event.  

He was really a great guy... 

And the one and only Mat Wilander... 

who begin this fundraising event because his son Erik suffers with the milder form of EB (Simplex), whom  I believe he said was about to be 16 years old. 

From 1982-1988, Mats won 7 Grand Slam singles titles.  

In 1988, he was ranked the #1 tennis player in the world.  

Obviously, I'm a little too young to remember seeing him play (since I was born in '85...) but my dad sure does.  And it was pretty cool to get to see him playing with everyone.  And even better getting to hear him speak at dinner that night about his son and his passion for finding a cure for EB. 

Even my sweet friend Mandy flew up to the event. 

 She volunteered all day so that she could be there for me and get to hear my speech :) 

This picture is for the very nice man and his nephew who wanted a picture coming out of the clubhouse... Sorry I forgot to get your email so that I could send it to you! 

I hope you'll find it :) 

 My daddy golfing with his caddie:) 

I also got to meet sweet Miles... 

And precious Ava Rose... who suffers with Junctional EB, and is so similar to my sweet Tripp in so many ways.  It was heart-breaking to see her.  But at the same time, she warmed my heart in ways I can't explain.  These kids are truly amazing.  

And so are their incredible parents... 

She reminded me so much of my sweet boy... 

                                                Some pretty amazing fellow EB Mommies... 

Brett Koplean presenting Dr. Tolar with a $200,000 check to go towards EB research.  

Pretty amazing, right?? 

This little angel and her family hold such a huge place in my heart. 

It's hard to explain what I felt being around her.  

She had the same shining little personality as my baby boy.  

I can't say this enough... the children and adults suffering with EB are just super-human. 

I am so humbled to have been able to be a part of this event, that raised A LOT of money for DebRA of America.  It was something I will never in my life forget.  The way so many people came together for this cause was incredible.  

I am SO proud to be a part of the EB community and SO proud to be Tripp's Mommy.  

Love,

8 months.

This breaks my heart.  

It feels like 8 years instead of 8 months.  

Mommy misses you so much, sweet boy.

I miss every little thing about you.   

I'd give up anything to have you sitting in my lap again. 

Love, 

Bear with me...

... this may be lengthy. 

I can't believe it's been well over a month since I've written.  I come here often... write a few lines.  Save what I've written.  But it never seems good enough.  I never feel like I'm able to express my feelings well enough.  It's hard to come on this blog and write something negative, because I honestly don't have a thing in my life that I can complain about.  Except for the fact that I miss my baby.  I miss him more these past few weeks than I ever thought I could.  I don't know if it's the "moving forward" and trying to pull my life together that's making it harder, but I miss playing with him.  I miss kissing him.  I miss rocking him and holding him close.  I miss him being so bossy and and wanting us to switch his toys 100 times in an hour.  I just miss every little thing about him being here with me.  I have times of complete and overwhelming sadness that I can't control.  And when that sadness takes over, which lately... has been more frequent, it's getting a little more difficult to hide.  Sometimes I feel ashamed to still be talking about how sad I am.  I think about other moms and dads who have lost their children.  I pray and hope that they have the support that I do.  I feel blessed beyond words that I can write on this blog, and I have an amazing support system (mostly fully of kind and compassionate people who have never even met me) who send comforting words and offer up prayers for me.  And I also think about my family- who do so much to show me they care.  I know that everyone who has lost a child does not have that.  Not everyone who has been through such a traumatic loss has the support system that I have.  And it makes my heart heavy to think that someone out there is going through what I'm going through without support.  I can't imagine how much harder that would be.  And that is why I thank you.  All of you who are still there, still commenting on each post, still offering prayers and support.  It means so much.  Because YOU all are helping me get through this very very difficult time, so that one day, I can heal myself and help others who have been through this same thing in the best possible way. 

I want to thank all of you, also, for your very sweet comments on my previous post.  You guys really know how to make a girl feel special.  Stephen and I are SO grateful for your prayers, support and well-wishes as we begin this next new chapter of our lives.  We are actually excited to say that we will be building a house soon.  We plan to begin in the next few weeks.  Some people might think that planning a wedding and building a house at the same time is crazy... but I can assure you that after what Stephen and I have been through together, that this will be a walk in the park.  We are just grateful for the great things and amazing people in our lives.  I don't think that there is anything he and I can't handle.  We are the BEST team. 

Along with our engagement, house plans, and wedding plans... there are also many other positive things going on in my life.  

I really want to focus on some more of the good that God is doing and how His GRACE has been more than sufficient in my life.  

I am still seeing my counselor once a week.  

She's one of the biggest blessings that God has placed in my life. 

I love her. 

She is walking me through the most difficult time of my life, simply by listening... not placing judgement... not telling me what is right and what is wrong.  She's just there.  At first, she was just a stranger who I would cry to.  The moment I walked in the door, I would just cry.  I would usually save up all my tears from the week just for her.  I figured, if anything... I can certainly just use a good cry once a week, even if she doesn't help me.  And now, even after about 6-7 months of therapy, I still cry at every session...but I truly feel better every time I leave her.  I think of Lindsey as a friend.  I can tell her anything.  Things that I'm feeling that I can't just tell anyone else.  

She listens, she doesn't sugar coat, she doesn't pass judgment and she makes me feel comfortable. 

If I miss our weekly session... I am not someone you want to be around. 

And I miss this week's session due to the hurricane... (and I'm sure my parents and Stephen can vouch for my crappy attitude).

Thank you, God, for Lindsey. 

I have also been seeing a personal trainer, who has become a great friend as well.  

Her name is Jennifer Lormand and she is the owner of Ascension Fitness in Metairie.

I started with personal training lessons, but now I've been attending her TRX classes 3 times a week, for about 4 weeks now.  

This could quite possibly be saving my sanity...  

Whether I'm taking my frustrations out, or it's just releasing endorphins... I don't know. 

But I love it.  

I love Jenn.  I love her spunk and her energy.  

She's extremely inspirational.  

I met her a while back when Tripp was still here with me.  She came to visit with my dear friend Amy, who introduced us.  She talked to me about some exercises and nutrition that day, but had wanted me to start coming to her class.  It wasn't until about a month ago that I decided to take her up on it.  And I'm SO glad that I did.  I've met so many great girls at the gym and it really has done wonders for my mind and body! You can visit Jenn's website HERE.  And if you want any tips or inspiration on getting your body back after having a baby, check out her book Mommy Movement.  

Jenn is someone I look up to her in so many ways.  She really CARES about her clients and works so hard to help us feel good physically and mentally! 

Thank you, God, for great friends that lead to more great friends.   

And oh yeah...  

My sister is pregnant!  

She and Mike are having a baby boy, due on December 22 of this year. I know, I know... I've kept this secret from you guys for a little while too, I'm sorry! 

This is such a special time for them, and I am so happy for my amazing sister and brother-in-law.  

I can't wait for them to get to experience the love of a child.  Because there is absolutely no other love like it.  They will be excellent parents, for sure. 

This, of course, is another bittersweet moment for me in life (just as most things have been) because   

I think about Tripp not being able to play with his new baby cousin- or even get to meet him.  

But at the same time, I can't wait to tell my new sweet little nephew about his brave and amazing older cousin who lives with Jesus in heaven.  

Both our family and Mike's amazing family are super excited to meet this new sweet baby. 

I quickly volunteered myself as his godmother, simply for the fact that I, not only will be the best Nanny, but also because I told my sister I would disown her if I wasn't chosen for his godmother;)  Sorry, Mike... hope that is okay.  I'm usually not that bossy.

So that's just some things that have been going on in my every day life.  Seeing my counselor, working out at an amazing new gym, and spending time with family.  Now... for the some of the big events that are coming up (Sorry, I figured this would be a long post since it's been a while). 

Don't leave yet!!  I'm almost done!!

The first upcoming event that I'm involved in is an annual fundraising dinner for The Restoration House here in Hammond, LA.  The Restoration House is introducing "The Great Turn-Around!"  And I am SO honored to have been asked to be the guest speaker at this event.  This is an amazing local non-profit organization with a cause that hits close to home.  The Restoration House is dedicated to helping women who are experiencing an unplanned pregnancy.  They offer free pregnancy tests, ultrasounds, lay counseling and education classes to these women.  Some of these women get to actually SEE their babies through an ultrasound and get to see LIFE.  This organization "protects life and restores hope" (their motto).  And when I think of Tripp, I think of LIFE.  I think of everything that his little short LIFE gave to me.  I think about how hard I fought for his LIFE.  So I am humbled and honored that they chose me to speak for such an amazing cause.  I hope to make them proud and hope to help them to raise the money they need to continuing helping our community.  

The event will be held on September 20, 2012 at 6:30pm. 

It will be located at Chesterton Square here in Ponchatoula. 

It is a FREE event to attend.  You just need to reserve your seat in advance.  If you would like to contribute, you can become a sponsor.  Or there will also be ways of contributing at the end of the event.  Here is the link to be able to register for the event.  Remember- it is free to register, but you need to reserve your seat if you want to attend.  There are approximately 180 seats left.  

Register HERE. 

If you aren't local and won't be able to attend, you can Donate to this amazing cause... click HERE to ready about the Restoration House and what they do, and there is a donation button at the bottom of the page! Just FYI... the people running this organization are some of the most sincere people that I've ever met.  They truly love what they do.  They inspire me to want to do more in my community.  

I don't know if I've mentioned this on my blog yet.  A few months after Tripp passed away, I got a call from the executive director of DebRA, Brett Koplean.  He asked me if I would accept the DebRA Spirit Award this year.  Previously each year, this award is given to a person WITH EB.  But he told me that this year, they wanted to give it to me.  Talk about an incredible HONOR!  Because trust me, I do NOT feel like I deserve to be honored more than someone who actually lives with this disease (they are my heroes).  But I knew that I was accepting this honor to be able to speak in Tripp's name.  To be able to be HIS voice for this disease just like I've tried to do for the past 3 years.  And to also show this disease from a different perspective... being a parent of a child with EB.  

SO... I will be speaking at DebRA's 14th Annual Mats Wilander Tennis & Golf Benefit in New York on October 1st.  You can read more about the event HERE. 

Mom will be taking the trip with me.  We are so excited to be able to get to meet so many people that I already feel like I've known for years!  I want to thank Brett Koplean and everyone at DebRA for this amazing honor. 

Mom and I are hoping and praying that everything works out and that we will possibly get the chance to go on set and watch a taping of the new season of Sesame Street while we are in New York.  Elmo (Kevin Clash) and his assistant Kimberly (and pretty much the whole team at Sesame Street) have been so amazing to us.  They were supposed to fly Elmo here to meet Tripp the week before he went to be with Jesus.  But it was too late.  After that, they were so kind and said that they were devastated that it didn't work out and that they wanted to offer us to come to New York and watch a taping of Sesame Street and be able to meet everyone there who had been involved in making the CD's for Tripp.  So we are hoping that both of these events will be able to coincide and that the timing will be right.  I think that would make my LIFE to be able to actually meet the man whose voice made my baby boy smile the biggest.  

Ok... So maybe it took him a little while to warm up.  

But once he did... He wouldn't let go.  

Not until the very end :(

Mommy misses you, my little angel.  

And you are always, ALWAYS in my heart.  

  Love, 

 

Surprise!

Stephen and I are engaged!!!

I get to marry this amazing man... 

The most patient, selfless, and loving man I know. 

I am one lucky girl. 

I know, I've been holding out on you guys... 

I'm sorry!

He proposed on a trail while we were in Gatlinburg. 

I had no idea... my Daddy was the only person who knew.

He totally kept it from my mom, too! 

She was as surprised as me!

(and as always, she was the picture taker:)

 It was so beautiful.  

And there were butterflies... EVERYWHERE.  

We literally had to avoid stepping on them while we were on the trail. 

It was the most beautiful and perfect place. 

I've posted this picture below on Facebook, and I've had some people ask me if it was photoshopped. 

It's NOT photoshopped.  

Stephen stuck his hand out and one little butterfly crawled right up onto his hand :) 

And then it let me stick my hand in, and stayed long enough for my mom to snap some pictures! 

There was nothing more comforting.

Just more proof that my little man approves. 

Stephen was there for me through the worst possible time of my life. 

He took care of Tripp and me in a way I never thought would be possible. 

And he's still taking care of me.  

I'm marrying into an amazing family that I've known my entire life. 

God knew the people that I needed in my life at the right time. 

I'm counting my blessings for sure.  

Every milestone for me will be bittersweet, of course... because I can't share it with Tripp. 

But I know my baby boy is looking down and is proud of his Mommy. 

And I think he knows that I am being taken care of in the best possible way.  

Just as he was... 

Thank you all for your continued prayers, love and support.

Love, 

6 months...

I can't believe that it's been 6 months since you were in my arms.  

I miss you, bubba.  

I would give anything if we could be rocking and singing Elmo again.  It hurts to even be going through your pictures.... 

Mommy loves you more than you'll ever know. 

Love,

I'm still here.

Hello to all my faithful friends! 

Thanks so much to those of you who are still reading this, though I've been a really big slacker lately.  I guess I kind of have a fear of repeating myself over and over with the same things.  And lately, it's just been the same ole' thing...

Time is passing by like I never imagined.  I am still seeing my amazing counselor (whom I love).  She's been a tremendous help to me these past months.  I'm so glad I started seeing her when I really didn't think I needed to.  Because I definitely needed to. 

Also, I met up with another mom in Baton Rouge, LA who also lost her baby girl at the age of 2.  She lost her baby 13 years ago due to medical issues as well.  So I was able to hear her story and see where she is right now (which is a very good place).  She was also very helpful to me.  I felt like she could actually relate to me and actually mean it when she said she knows how I feel.  She said that the sadness isn't going to go away... and that I will never ever stop missing my baby.  But one day, this physical, aching pain in my heart and soul will stop hurting (...because I promise you that the loss of a child is an actual, true and physical pain).  I can't imagine it going away.  But it was nice to hear her say that it might one day stop hurting.  And that one day, this guilt I feel for everything will one day go away.  Because the guilt is sometimes worse than the pain. 

My days consist of good days, okay days, and bad days... and lately, a good day can turn into a bad day in the blink of an eye... or vice versa.  I just never know what can spark up a meltdown.  I know meltdowns are good.  And I know that letting things out is good.  Right now, I just can't bear looking at pictures and videos.  They make me so incredibly sad.  So unexplainably sad.  

I know one day that I'll be able to look at those videos and smile and think about all of the good and happy times we shared together... but right now, they just make my heart hurt more.  

I miss my baby so much. 

I had dinner with Dr. Defusco this past Thursday night.  We've been trying to get together for months but she's just been so busy.  Finally, we got to see each other and catch up a little.  She had called me about a month ago to tell me something very special that I haven't shared with you guys.  

Dr. D won System Physician of the Year at Ochsner Hospital this year. 

(I know, I know... so well deserved, right?) 

She said the hospital recognized her for the amazing work she's done (not only for Tripp, but of course for every other one of her patients). 

AND get this... they spoke about Tripp and I at the banquet as well.  

I can't think of anyone in the world more deserving of this award than Dr. Defusco. 

I am so incredibly proud of her. 

And I told her that was Tripp's way of thanking her for everything she did for him. 

Some other good news... My sister is in town.  She's here for about 3-4 weeks until they have to go to Montgomery, AL... and then they will be stationed in Valdosta, GA. 

Her husband Mike has to go back to North Dakota, though, so we won't be seeing him for a few more weeks.  But I do get to hog some sister time!!

Tomorrow, we are leaving for Gatlinburg, TN.  We go at least every other year with the family for vacation.  I love it.  I've always loved it.  But the last time I went was with Tripp when he was about 3 months old (on our way to Cincinnati Children's).  So as with everything else in my life, it will be just a little bittersweet...  knowing he won't be with us this time.  

I am looking forward to spending the week with Stephen and all the family, though.  

They'll be lots of bonding time:)

Please continue to pray for my peace.  

I know where my sweet baby is... but it doesn't help the pain. 

I love you all very much. 

Thank you again for the unending support you've given me through the past years. 

I am so blessed. 

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."  Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

- 2 Corinthians 12:9

Love, 

Today makes 5 months...

...since my baby left my arms to live with Jesus.  

So instead of writing about how sad I am... I'm going to thank God for the 2 years and 8 months He gave me with him. 

It doesn't take away the hurt or the pain, or the fact that I miss him more than words can say... but I really am grateful that I was chosen to be Tripp's Mommy for his short time on Earth. 

So today, I will share my MOST favorite video again. 

Just because this is the Tripp that I hope heaven is getting to enjoy. 

I love you and miss you, my Bubba. 

Love, 

God is Love.

It's almost been a month since I've posted.  The days seem to fly by so fast lately.  I feel like I'm constantly doing something at all times to keep my mind distracted.  

The days are getting harder.  

I miss him so much.

So much that sometimes it will physically hurt.

I'm floating back and forth between the stages of pure grief with the feeling of being completely lost and then the idea of thinking about the next stages in my life.  And when I start to think about the future and the great things that are in store for me... as happy as that makes me, I also feel a tremendous amount of guilt for thinking about those things.  I know in my heart that Tripp wants nothing more than for me to be happy, but sometimes the feelings of guilt are overwhelming.  It's a strange feeling... sometimes I feel like the only things I feel comfortable doing are the things that I did when he was still here. That way, I'm not doing new things without him.   

In my heart, I know that he knew and loved Stephen... so I feel like he approves of the relationship that I am in... and that at least makes one thing stress-free and easy.  

Because moving forward is so difficult.  

I know that anyone who has lost a child can sympathize with me when I say that MOST days, if given a choice... I'd rather be dead.  That's just the cold, hard truth.  It's an unbearable, unexplainable feeling. 

Anything that I do, I think about Tripp not being with me.  

I think about the things that we didn't get to do together and the things we won't get to do together.

Except I'm pretty strong.  I hate being so strong.  Sometimes I wish I wasn't so strong.  Sometimes I wish I could cry in public... then maybe people would know I'm not just "moving on" and "okay."  Maybe then they would know that I think about my baby every. single. waking. second. of the day. 

  

Did I mention that I love my counselor? 

 She's really great. 

 And she's very Christian- which I love, of course.  

We are really getting to know each other a little better each time I go, and that is really nice.  

She's trying to help me to learn how to focus on the GOOD times Tripp and I had together instead of thinking about the things we missed out on. 

Except when she told me I was making progress, I cried like a baby.  The guilt completely takes over me sometimes- especially when someone thinks I'm "moving on."  Even though I know deep down that it's okay to make progress... all I want is to rewind 5 months and have my baby in my arms.  

 I do love being able to try and explain to her what an amazing little boy he is.  It's kind of impossible to do unless you really got to meet and know him, though.  

He was and still is such a brave little disciple of Christ. 

Some days are just unbearable without him.

I've been trying lately to make myself get off my stupid phone or computer and read my Bible instead.  It shouldn't be such a sacrifice, right?  But sometimes it is.  After I read, though, I feel so much better... Like a wave of peace finally passes over me. 

So tonight, I think I want to focus on one thing: 

LOVE. 

As I lie in my bed... next to Tripp's blankets that are still placed neatly in their spot... all I can really think about is love.  First, I think about how much I loved him.  I think about the days, hours, minutes and seconds that we spent together.  Nighttime is the worst now.  It brings back the most memories for me.  I loved nighttime with my baby.  I loved waiting for him to fall asleep so that I could kiss his head or hold his little fingers without him "fussing" or slapping me.  I loved the music we played and the prayers we would say.  Without sounding boastful, I would say that I pretty much gave up my life for him.  Because the day that he was born, he became my life.  It was a choice.  A choice to do whatever it took to keep him alive and happy.  I think that is LOVE. 

Then I think about how much he loved me.  Sometimes I think that God sent Tripp to me to save my life. And I think Tripp agreed to.  I hope this doesn't come out wrong, but I honestly feel like he really did save my life.  I wasn't a bad person before I had Tripp.  But I was a selfish person.  I thought that I knew how to love, but I really didn't.  He taught me that.  He taught me the true meaning of unconditional love.  That means loving someone with absolutely no judgement, no boundaries, no limits.  Maybe Tripp's little soul didn't "choose" to come to the Earth and suffer... or maybe it did.  One day I will know that answer.  But I do feel like, in a way, he gave up his life to save mine and perhaps others.  Whether it be by choice or not, that is LOVE.   

And then I think about God's love. 

I know this is hard, guys.  I know that if right now I told you that God LOVES you, you might sit back and roll your eyes a little and think to yourself... (here comes the holy-roller part).  Just give me a chance, though... I promise that I'm no where near perfect and that trying to get to heaven is a working progress!  I know sometimes things don't always go the way we want them to (trust me, I can vouch for that) and that sometimes we get frustrated with God.  I've been there.  I'm still there.  

But He is so forgiving.  He wants us to know Him.  He wants us to make the right choices.  And he wants us to CHOOSE Him.  And before all, He wants us to love each other.  God knows we make mistakes.  He knows that we aren't perfect.  And he knows everything you do and need before you do.  He tells us all of this.

"Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you."

-Jeremiah 1:5

"Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him." 

-Matthew 6:8

But I wonder why some people have no problem believing something they read in a magazine or see on TV, but it's so hard to believe something that has been passed down for thousands of years that never changes. 

 His Word.  His Word is love.  God is love.

"In the beginning was the Word, 

and the Word was with God, 

and the Word was God." 

-John 1:1

"Whoever does not love, does not know God, because God is love."

-John 4:8

So, tell me, why is it SO hard for us to love each other?  The world is falling apart right before our eyes because we just won't love each other.  That's all that it boils down to.  Plain and simple.  No one has respect for anyone else anymore.  The things that come out of our mouth are disgusting- the curse words, the gossip, the ugly things we say about other people... 

"But no human being can tame the tongue.  It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison.  With it we bless the Lord and Father, and with it we curse human beings who are made in the likeness of God. From the same mouth come blessing and cursing.  This need not be so, my brothers. 

-James 3:8-10

What's it going to take for us to change this?  Could it start by just ONE person showing an act of kindness... or has the world already fallen too far?  If you are kind to someone and they don't accept your kindness, do you get frustrated and give up?  Did you know that God says this:

"He should know that whoever brings back a sinner from the error of his way will save his soul from death and will cover a multitude of sins." 

-James 5:20

"Just so, I tell you, there will be more joy in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who need no repentance." 

-Luke 15:7

That's huge.  What a promise, right?  

He's telling us that if we bring someone back to God, that we will save our own soul from death. 

So why are we destroying each other?  

We all think that we deserve more than someone else.  Sometimes we get so wrapped up in our own lives and in ourselves that we forget about others.  We all think we are worthy of things, when actually, not a single ONE of us are promised tomorrow, nor do we know our future... 

"Come now, you who say, 'Today or tomorrow we shall go into such and such a town and spend a year there doing business, and make a profit'- you have no idea what your life will be like tomorrow.  You are a puff of smoke that appears briefly and then disappears.  Instead, you shall say, 'If the Lord wills it, we shall live to do this or that.' 

-James 4:13-15

I'll end on this... 

I trust and believe that I know exactly where my baby is.  

And all I know is that I want to get there too.  

So if we can't trust and believe in God's promise... 

then what are we living for? 

Love,